Fer 0 Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 (edited) General Full name: Fer Hisakata Nickname: Fer Age: 18 Gender: Male Race: Coordinator Occupation: None at the moment. Birthplace: Maius PLANT Citizenship: PLANT Personality: Fer seems to be a rather shy person in general. No matter what the situation, he lacks the ability to speak out. However with close friends he is able to communicate about himself effectively. Appearance Height: 5"9 Weight: 210 Hair Colour and Style: Black Eye Colour: Brown Identifying Marks: A small birthmark on the top of the left hand. Just a small dark slit. Looks like a minor wound. Skin Tone: Light Brown Build: Heavy Clothing: Carpenter Pants, light black sweater with a navy blue T shirt under and white sneakers. Also wears glasses. Handiness: Right handed. Background Mother: Myria Hisakata Father: Shinji Hisakata Siblings: None Wife/Girlfriend: None Personal History: Born in C.E. 67 in the Maiu PLANT. His relationship with his parents is fairly well and was an outstanding student in school. Though these seemed upsides in his character, his downfall was yet to come. As a small child he saw the images of the war that was stretching long. Some vivid, some vague. But he never saw these images as "war." His father was a soldier during these times and his mother refused to speak of the events. He began to develop an interest, wanting to know more of the situation. At the age of 6, Fer started to attend school in Maius. Not many "exciting" things happen as a 6 year old many would say. Except that this is an event that would change him. Alarms ringing, people screaming in the streets and commotion so unexplainable it traumatized many. It was the day that Janarius and December where hit by the Requiem. All PLANTs where on alert. This was rather early in the day, Fer picking up a lunch. The ringing echoed through the halls of the school and panic blazed through the crowds of people at nonstop. The flames of misery and confusing hit dry grass at "Maiu Sector 9 Elementary." Children and adults alike, ran to get to the main gate and get outside. Fer was hit by students dashing out, causing him to fall. Unable to stand because of the stampede of people, he covered his head and began to shed tears of fright. Though the people running where unaware of the child being trampled on, a young girl was able to spot him as she too was running to get out. She saw as he was being hit, foot after foot bashing his back. She ran to him, pushing and shoving to get close. She then picked him up with one arm and helped him walk out of the commotion. Minor scrapes and bruises, Fer would turn out ok thanks to his rescuer. It was then where he would meet Gael Alia. Gael was medium build, and 2 years older than Fer. She wore a see-through crystal pendant on her wrist. He was able to thank her for helping him and since then, became inseperable. Gael was a Coordinator and was also close friends with Kevin Cambell and Tannia Gonzales, also coordinators. They where introduced to Fer and they became great friends through early school life. After Gael, Kevin and Tannia left to a higher grade school, Fer continued to talk them and seek their companionship. In November of C.E. 74, news came to Myria that Shinji Hisakata was confirmed MIA. The only thing that was left was pieces of his mobile suit, but no body. Fer and his mother mourned his death, causing his mother to move into a depressive state. She then commited suicide in C.E. 75 on her anniversary of 10 years of marraige. Fer was shattered. He had stayed out with his friends that night, and came home to find his mother laying lifeless on the floor. Realizing he could do nothing, he blamed his father for her death but mainly, blamed himself. He could not comprehend it, but he felt it was his fault. Gael came to him the following day and told him to stay with her and her family. After months of settling deals and paperwork, Fer was adopted by Gael's parents in C.E. 76. Fer was still rather isolated from everyone at that point except Gael. He felt as she was the only one who truely cared for him. They became more as brother and sister. Fer always stood behind Gael, and defended her when it was needed to. He never hesitated to give his helping hand to her. The days passed rather slowly, but Fer continued to live on and struggled the deaths of his parents, accepting that his father was dead. In C.E. 84, Gael, Kevin and Tannia graduated from school. Kevin and Tannia who were like "Jack and Jill" decided that they would enlist in the military. Gael had announced she was going to the Equatorial Union Nation of the Phillipines, a neutral country on Earth. Fer was of course devasted but wished Gael the best of luck and promised to keep in touch. As for Kevin and Tannia, they would be stationed at Armory L-1 for basic training. Fer though, still felt as if he needed to plead Gael not to leave and to stay. But aware of the selfishness of those words, he stayed silent as Gael boared the transport ship to Earth. That night he stayed up late writing her an email. He was saying he was thankful for everything she had done for him. After content with his words, he went to see his "mother" Seria. There she stood, tears in her eyes and her hand covering her mouth in a shock-state. She kept repeating the words, "no... no... no..." Fer asked her what was going on, but no response. He then picked up the letter from her hand to read of a fatal accident of a transport ship heading for Earth. In disbelief, he hugged Gael's mother. She told him "I'm glad you were able to meet her." The days that followed the death of his biggest influence in his life where harsh ones. Fer unsure and lost in deep depression, began to take the wrong path. He began to not care for anything or anyone, became rutheless and selfish. He consumed narcotics and alcohol constantly. Kevin and Tannia had returned on a short leave from Armory L-1. When they went to see Fer, he was in very bad state, dirty, pale and seemed fragile. Trying to solve the problem, Kevin began to ask Fer what was going on with him. It is then that Fer and Tannia had learned of Gael's death. Kevin still told Fer that his current way of life is not acceptable. Not wanting to hear Kevin's preaching, he stood and attempted to strike Kevin with his barefist. Kevin did not hesitate to self defence and told him to stop acting like a child and to turn his life around. After the departure of Kevin and Tannia, Fer began to realize what a bad turn his life took. He entered himself into a rehabilitation center where he continued his studies and recovered from the losses in his life. Though not fully healed, he was able to take the next step in his recovery, self control. What seemed like a long period of time, Fer finally graduated from school. He had met up with Tannia at his ceremony and was told Kevin was stationed in L-1 base. After a brief meeting with Tannia, he checked out of the rehab center. Deep down he knew the losses of his friend and family where still hurting, but he wanted to take the first step towards living on. Tannia urged Fer to enlist in the military before she returned back to Armory L-1. Not knowing what to do, and unsure of the future ahead, he read the pamphlet that Tannia had left behind. Edited November 15, 2006 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Ok first off this RPG is 12 years after Destiny; so he would actually be 29 years old if he was born in CE 56. Ok now if they met under unusual circumstances explain it, don't just state it and hope for the best. A nuclear silo is a place where nukes are stored; a nuclear warhead is probably what you're looking for. The day wouldn't be calm if it was riddled with the news of Junius 7 being destroyed. You're now missing the years between his graduation and the current year (CE 85) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fer 0 Posted November 12, 2006 Author Share Posted November 12, 2006 Alritey, lets see if this is good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Could your format your background so that each paragraph is easier on the eyes? A huge clump of text kinda makes me want to not read it Other than that it's quite good; try to format it and I'll read it again just incase Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fer 0 Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 there go, spaced out Pendin approval Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Try explaining his birth mark, what does it look like? Is it a mole? A peculiar shaped lump of flesh? etc Handiness: (Left-handed, Right-handed or Ambidextrous) Right handed. Perhaps you should remove the guideline One of his closest friends, coordinator, was killed. This is the biggest impact in his life to date. In his personality this isn't necessary unless you include some impacts in there; also if you do include it you should put down the friend's name A little typo in the first paragraph, it says 'Maiu' instead of Maius. Kevin and Tannia left to a higher grade school *Middle School* In the anime it isn't specific about the type of education, so I think it would be more appropriate to leave it at just a higher grade school, the middle school part isn't really necessary. Just a suggestion, you don't have to follow this, about how his mother suicided, perhaps you could include how she killed herself then have it as a catalyst for your character Wouldn't he need to enter rehabilitation in order to leave the world of narcotics and alcohol? Other than that it's very good. Btw that sig of yours is addicting lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fer 0 Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 alritey, here u go~ check it out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 What's Armory L-1? I only know Armory One. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fer 0 Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 What's Armory L-1? I only know Armory One. Its Armory One, I saw it in the anime like that. Armory L-1, also on the Bandai C.E. map check it out http://www.gundamofficial.com/worlds/ce/background/maps.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 L-1 refers to the point in space it is at; eg: Lagrange 1 Rad you got any critique? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I know what L-1 means, winders. What I didn't know is that Armory One and Armory L-1 are one and the same. After all, you don't see anyone in the series referring to the place as "Armory L-1". Other than a few typing errors (i.e. "Maiu", one too many spaces after each sentence, etc.), the only thing that concerns me is the last sentence. The pamphlet scene must be expounded on, as it is important to the character's current state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kct 0 Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 This is a small thing that kept bothering me. Inconsistent spacing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Same here but I'm not going to force him to edit for such a minor thing. I'm going to move this now despite the L-1, Armoury 1 mix up. You may post which faction you wish to apply for now. I think ZAFT is closed though :S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fer 0 Posted November 15, 2006 Author Share Posted November 15, 2006 Same here but I'm not going to force him to edit for such a minor thing. I'm going to move this now despite the L-1, Armoury 1 mix up. You may post which faction you wish to apply for now. I think ZAFT is closed though :S awesome~ thanks . I'm a new character writer, so I dun mind the criticism, it helps me develop a good character. Hopefully when I make more they will be much better improvements. Thanks guys, you rock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fer 0 Posted November 15, 2006 Author Share Posted November 15, 2006 This is a small thing that kept bothering me. Inconsistent spacing. Your supposed to space twice after each period, I learned that in basic typing class. As for the spacing out in paragraphs, I hope that isn't a problem its supposed to be easier on the eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fer 0 Posted November 15, 2006 Author Share Posted November 15, 2006 *Tries to stand up straight* "I would like to apply for the Zodian Alliance of Freedom Treaty!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 (edited) Your supposed to space twice after each period, I learned that in basic typing class. As for the spacing out in paragraphs, I hope that isn't a problem its supposed to be easier on the eyes. Your typing class' curriculum needs to be updated. I seem to recall a rule like that, but I believe that only applied to the typewriter. Nowadays, if you do that with a computerized document, it looks unprofessional. My teachers would have had a field day marking my papers if I did that. The only benefit I see from using that 'double-tapped space' trick is to highlight out where your sentences begin and end. Perhaps it may be easy on the eyes, but it's quite distracting. Edited November 15, 2006 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fer 0 Posted November 15, 2006 Author Share Posted November 15, 2006 Your typing class' curriculum needs to be updated. I seem to recall a rule like that, but I believe that only applied to the typewriter. Nowadays, if you do that with a computerized document, it looks unprofessional. My teachers would have had a field day marking my papers if I did that. The only benefit I see from using that 'double-tapped space' trick is to highlight out where your sentences begin and end. Perhaps it may be easy on the eyes, but it's quite distracting. Alrite thats kewl, its not a prob. It's just a habit so... it wont be easy as I turn in all my college work in this format. we'll, hope I can get my ZAFT application in Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Although other spelling errors can be overlooked, I would think that spelling errors for names should be corrected. "Maiu PLANT" might confuse a reader. Also, if you read through our guides, you would have realised that we refer to the ZAFT base at L-1 as Armoury One. So please make the changes accordingly. It's pretty rare to come across people who still use the double space after a period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Katsuki 0 Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Gotta go with Fer on this, I was sent on a RSAWP course last week and they still use the double spacing method, mahap it depends where you are in the world? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Perhaps, but I don't see any British websites double spacing after sentences. It must be very localized. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Spam stops now. Discuss the double spacing in a different thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilhelm 0 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Welcome to Zaft Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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