winders 0 Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Nah, extended isn't a clone A clone is totally different Extended = someone enhanced by repeated use of drugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark 0 Posted November 1, 2006 Author Share Posted November 1, 2006 I change my character back to an Coordinator. and add some stuff to the bio. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Age: Appears to be 18 Just mention an age, appearance has its own section. Personality: He's depressed most of the time. He mostly keeps quiet or away from other people. If he does go out he is very easy to get along with. Wouldn't he have a hard time fitting in if he's avoiding people and depressed all the time? Other than that it's almost perfect, I suggest you add in a small bit about how he would have overcomed his addiction with the Extended drugs, cause he would have most likely have needed them at one point or another to be an extended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Actually, winders, he's defaulted to Coordinator instead. Other than that, citizenship is limited to one, and it must be specified. If he's EA, then choose one of the four nations that comprise it; if he's ZAFT, then choose PLANT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 I know his race is listed as coordinator, but the bio still contains traces of 'extended' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 We're getting there so don't give up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark 0 Posted November 3, 2006 Author Share Posted November 3, 2006 Edited some more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishian 0 Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 I just popped by to say that im impressed by your patiance and I hope your going to have fun here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 Hmm... with his hands injured and chest stabbed with a sword. I doubt he could still carry Violet to the lake. Also, if you bring her to the lake and drop her in, Dark might be accused of trying to destroy the evidence after murdering her. That is just something Shinn can do and get away with it. In reality, you would need to go through some administrative work when a person dies as well as a medical examination to certify that the person is indeed dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kvonne 0 Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 blame fukuda for misleading us > lol wow this sure was a long process Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 You can't blame a director for being dramatic Yes indeed it is a long process but kudos to Dark for sticking with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xover 0 Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 (edited) Yes kudos. I was going to unleash some of my horribleness when I review. I shall try... Hmm...I forgot what I wrote here the last time. There's a few illogicities somewhere...but I'll have to go and find them again. There's a few random things like spelling errors here and there (example is tanper in first paragraph) There's a bit of an inconsistency in terms of the tense that you're using; I think you're switching from past to present and to past or something. Just double check...or else I maybe wrong. I usually am... Out of interest, when you mention Violet, isn't she like...a commander? And then she can't defend against a normal guard? Wouldn't she have extensive training or something? Me dunno. You the author. I shall refrain from anything else unless I feel something is not making sense. And PS: Sorry for the random and uncalled for post earlier... Edited November 19, 2006 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 Xover, please keep your posts to your actual critiques. You are not being asked to correct every error. You are simply to point them out, give suggestions (if any), and let the posters correct themselves. To quote and highlight everything that you find wrong not only makes it more difficult to see your actual critiques, but it is also highly embarrassing for the profile poster. From now on, please refrain from making any critiques of this nature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xover 0 Posted November 19, 2006 Share Posted November 19, 2006 Aye Aye! My bad! Will edit now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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