Brad Strass

[Brad34 0]

Player

 

Player name: Brad Strass

Character number: 1

Faction: ZAFT

 

General

 

Full name: Brad Sera Strass

Nickname: Dark Knight

Age: 25

Gender: male

Race: Coordinator

Occupation: soldier

Birthplace: Sydney, Australia

Citizenship: Plant

Personality: Brad is very silent and Mellow, what ever happens, happens. He is very helpful and will always help someone else out before himself. But once he gets into a combat situation he becomes an entirely new person. During a fight the only thing he focuses on is him and his close friends surviving, and he will do anything to make sure that happens.

 

Appearance

 

Height: he stands about 5'9"

Weight: 220 lbs

Hair Color and Style: Dark Brown hair usually stays about shoulder length

Eye Color: light blue

Identifying Marks: slight scar, under his left eye. And a goatee

Skin Tone: light tanned

Build: average, not muscular, but no fat.

Clothing: casually wears denim blue jeans, and a white Tee-shirt

Handiness: Right-Handed

 

Background

 

Mother: Kimberly Strass:

Father: Darrel Strass:

Siblings: 1 older brother, David Strass; 1 older sister, Sally Strass

Wife/Girlfriend: None, Brad believes that, that particular subject is not only a waste of time and a quick way to heartache but also a very costly distraction.

 

Personal History:

Brad was born on Onogoro Island. Brads father decided it was past time to move to Carpentaria when he was offered a better job as a Zaft technician. Brads Father was a rocket scientist spending many long hours at the military base designing new technologies. Brad's Mother spent almost as much time at the hospital due to the lack of medical personnel, tending to everyone. So Brad was raised by his Brother and Sister.

 

By the time Brad had reached his teens his Father and Mother were gone constantly. It had gotten to the point Brad had almost forgotten their faces and their voices. As a last desperate measure to reach his Father Brad began going with him to the military base with the promise that Brad would stay out of the way. The many weeks that brad stayed on the base standing in the shadows brad became very fond of the mobile suit divisions he seen coming in and out of the base. But unfortunately his Brother and Sister were against the Military 100%. So brad forgot about that dream by the time brad had reached eighteen his Brother had left for medical school wanting to become a doctor. While Brad's Sister had gotten married and moved back to Onogoro Island.

 

Brad's Father never seen the outside of the base anymore, and Brads Mother became obsessed with the hospital. So Brad, without any guidance, staggered in his broken home. Not knowing what to do anymore got him into a bit of trouble on both sides of the law. So in order to get out of it he snuck onto Carpentaria Base to Hijack a mobile suit at a last ditch effort to get himself out of his current state and into a better life somewhere else. But unfortunately Brad did not think the plan through, and while getting onto the base was easy with his dad being such a big name around there, it was not as easy getting into a mobile suit, and before Brad could figure it out his Father found him and stopped him before Brad done anything. So Brad, seeing no where else to go, returned to his old dream and joined the army in hopes of one day becoming an ace pilot and one day becoming a test pilot of his Father's new thruster designs.

Edited July 19, 2007 by Guest

[liubei013 0]

Ah jeez...you got all the rudimentary stuff down...but you have some issues to work on as well.

 

1.  Capitalization.  This isn't a chat room.  While we don't expect like Oxford level English, we do expect attempts at proper grammar, spelling, and capitalization.

 

2. Spell check.  Please use it.  (It's next to the Post and Preview buttons)

 

3.  Please check on some of the approved Character Profiles in the Character Library.  You don't seem to have many paragraph breaks, which makes it difficult to read that big clump of text in your History section.

 

Now to specifics:

 

4. Personality:  The second half could be more thorough.  For instance, the traits you described when Brad is in combat are "Focused.  Determined."  It's better if you use complete sentences and perhaps elaborate on his extreme focus, by tying in that trait with his disregard for anyone other than close friends.

 

5. Background: Descriptions about Brad's family is better left in the History section.  (Except, perhaps, the explanation regarding the lack of a wife/girlfriend)

 

6.  History:  Aside from the numerous spelling and grammatical errors, you seem to have focused too much on how he got his nick and less of how he is in general.  There is no tie in with what's mentioned in the History regarding the bulk of his personality.  Also, as mentioned before, you can use the History to discuss the influences by family members. 

Edited May 24, 2007 by Guest

[Brad34 0]

thank you, is that anybetter?

[Valiant 96]

Please use proper capitalization. You don't capitalize random words. There are words that you should capitalize and those that you don't need to

 

 

His Brother spent most of their free time teaching Brad how to defend himself. While Brad’s Sister spent her free time together teaching brad to become a person.

 

This is very vague. What do you mean by that? What exactly did they teach him?

 

How could he hijack a mobile suit? I can't picture anyway in which he can do that.

[kct 0]

Parts of the history needed greater explaination.

 

The thing between his family and the mobles of Orb needed some elaboration as to what caused it. As you can see, we have an entirely new line-up of nobles in Orb for this board, since having canon members of noble families would definitely contradict with our no-canon characters policy.

[Brad34 0]

alright sorry about the confusion, to tell you the truth this is the first time I've had to make a profile where i wasn't having to stay by a story line. um I've reviewed it, took it through documents spell/grammer check, this spell check, and read through it again to make sure. so i hope it is done this time. and yea maybe a little bit of help wouldn't hurt, its been about a year since I've had to do stuff like this, and even then they weren't exactly strict on the grammer, just so long as they understood it.

[Valiant 96]

But unfortunately his Brother and Sister were against the Military 100%.

 

This isn't exactly proper English. Also, terms such as Brother, Sister, Father, Mother etc shouldn't be capitalized. They are only capitalized when you use them as a form of addressing the person. For example, Brad said to his father, "Sorry, Father. I won't do that again."

 

Notice the difference in the need to capitalize.

 

I would suggest that you learn to capitalize, even in your OCC post so that you can learn proper capitalization.

 

You have to understand that we are a literate RPG, not a semi-literate like where you used to RP on. We have higher standards that we adhere to.

 

This profile has been approved. I hope your RPing would improve with time and practice.

 

You may now apply for a faction.

[Brad34 0]

Thank you for the approval. I promise i will work on my typing, i just hope i can get it up to standards before i get out of pilot academy, when ever i get into it that is.

 

now with that out of the way if it is alright. I would like to apply for Zaft

[Wilhelm 0]

[align=center]

PLANT Supreme Council, National Defense headquarters,

Aprilius One branch[/align]

 

As of this month of CE85, Brad Strass is accepted into the Zodiac Alliance of Freedom Treaty, under the direct supervision and guidance of the Supreme Council of the officers appointed over you.

 

You and many young people your age will be the next generation allowing Coordinators to live free from persecution and discrimination. We hand the future of Plant into your hands, hold your head high, and don’t let that inner light falter.

 

Signed,

Commander Delfina Schneider, National Defense Headquarters