leungchili 0 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 General Full name: leungchili kokuran Nickname: 66966 Age: 14 Gender: Male Race: Coordinator (Natural or Coordinator) Occupation: student Birthplace: Hong Kong Citizenship: Orb Personality: Silent Appearance Height: 5'8 Weight: 7.5 stones Hair Colour and Style: Black covering eye Eye Colour: Black Identifying Marks: on the back of his right mark there is a birthmark Skin Tone: whitish Build:Very little, still very young Clothing: school clothing Handiness: Right-Handed (Left-handed, Right-handed or Ambidextrous) Background Mother: Father: Siblings: Wife/Girlfriend: Personal History: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OPA 0 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I'm going to assume that you're just putting this up here now for the sake of putting it up, and intend to finish this once you get the time. But right now, lets just cover a few things that need some attention You've got the bio layout right which is good; but, just for the sake of easy reading, don't put everything in bold. It'll be easier to read if you put the title/subject in bold and the rest in normal text. For example: Age: 14. Gender: Male. Also, remove those bracketed parts- (Natural or Coordinator) and (Left-handed, Right-handed or Ambidextrous). You won't need those there His personality..."Silent". Not enough information there at the moment; could you give us a little more info on this as "silent" isn't a personality. Is he a quiet kind-hearted warm soul who cares for life, love and friends? Or is he a cold-hearted, moody, and filled with hate? The weight...7.5 stones. That is a very old unit of measurement, honestly you're the first person ive encountered that has used such a measurement. If you do know this weight in kilograms or pounds, could you use it? as these measurements are more commonly known and used. Respective weights: 7.5 stone = 47.6 Kg (kilograms) 7.5 stone = 105 lbs (pounds) Hair style colour. Ok, so his hair is black and covers his eye, but perhaps you could give us a little more info on this too. For example, which eye does his hair cover? does it swap eyes, or does it only ever cover one eye? His hair covers his eye, so obviously it has some length, but what style is it really; is it wavy? straight etc? Identifying mark. on the back of his right mark there is a birthmark Please reword this, as it currently makes no sence. What right mark? where is it? Skin tone is a little vauge. "Whitish". Try to be a little more confident in your statement, for all we know, he could be whitish with shades of pink Be more precise with your statement please. Is he a caucasian (white) who has abnormally pale skin etc? Build. I think I see what you're getting at here. Being young he doesn't have much of a build. However, even today there different builds in younger kids. For example, is he a skinny little guy who looks like he could be blown away by a strong gust of wind? or is he a large obese guy who moves slowly because of his weight? Clothing. Is he in his school clothes all the time? Perhaps you could describe the uniform/clothing; for example: A white long-sleeved school shirt, navy blue coloured trousers and a pruple school vest with the school emblem stitched into the right chest pocket. I'm going to assume that you're still working on the family and personal history. Please note that you need these in order for your character to be accepted- espescially the personal history. Rember to be detailed and confident in what you say, and you shouldn't have too much trouble. If you need help or are unsure on something, let us here know and we'll be glad to give you some pointers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaftronics 0 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Topic name should be your character name. Your bloody character's background is incomplete. Build would refer to size, not... amount. Your personality should explain more of yourself as a person. Just "silent" makes you seem boring, rather than just mysterious. Other than that, nothing else I can say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kct 0 Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 (edited) I got a good advice on this. Do not post if it is not complete. Not to dampen your spirit or anything, it is just annoying to the admins and mods if they see something like this happening all the time. Edited February 12, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 KCT man, this thread has been dead since last month the 26th. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuku with Nodachi 0 Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Hee hee, absorbing the magical residue of kct's post necromancy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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