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Full name: leungchili kokuran

Nickname: 66966

Age: 14

Gender: Male

Race: Coordinator (Natural or Coordinator)

Occupation: student

Birthplace: Hong Kong

Citizenship: Orb

Personality: Silent




Height: 5'8

Weight: 7.5 stones

Hair Colour and Style: Black covering eye

Eye Colour: Black

Identifying Marks: on the back of his right mark there is a birthmark

Skin Tone: whitish

Build:Very little, still very young

Clothing: school clothing

Handiness: Right-Handed (Left-handed, Right-handed or Ambidextrous)









Personal History:

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I'm going to assume that you're just putting this up here now for the sake of putting it up, and intend to finish this once you get the time.

But right now, lets just cover a few things that need some attention


You've got the bio layout right which is good; but, just for the sake of easy reading, don't put everything in bold.  It'll be easier to read if you put the title/subject in bold and the rest in normal text.  For example:


Age: 14.

Gender: Male.


Also, remove those bracketed parts- (Natural or Coordinator) and (Left-handed, Right-handed or Ambidextrous).  You won't need those there


His personality..."Silent".  Not enough information there at the moment; could you give us a little more info on this as "silent" isn't a personality.

Is he a quiet kind-hearted warm soul who cares for life, love and friends?  Or is he a cold-hearted, moody, and filled with hate?


The weight...7.5 stones.  That is a very old unit of measurement, honestly you're the first person ive encountered that has used such a measurement.  If you do know this weight in kilograms or pounds, could you use it? as these measurements are more commonly known and used.

Respective weights:

7.5 stone = 47.6 Kg (kilograms)

7.5 stone = 105 lbs (pounds)


Hair style colour.  Ok, so his hair is black and covers his eye, but perhaps you could give us a little more info on this too.  For example, which eye does his hair cover?  does it swap eyes, or does it only ever cover one eye?  His hair covers his eye, so obviously it has some length, but what style is it really; is it wavy? straight etc?


Identifying mark. 

on the back of his right mark there is a birthmark

Please reword this, as it currently makes no sence.  What right mark?  where is it?


Skin tone is a little vauge. "Whitish".  Try to be a little more confident in your statement, for all we know, he could be whitish with shades of pink   Be more precise with your statement please.  Is he a caucasian (white) who has abnormally pale skin etc?



I think I see what you're getting at here.  Being young he doesn't have much of a build.  However, even today there different builds in younger kids.  For example, is he a skinny little guy who looks like he could be blown away by a strong gust of wind?  or is he a large obese guy who moves slowly because of his weight?



Is he in his school clothes all the time?  Perhaps you could describe the uniform/clothing; for example:

A white long-sleeved school shirt, navy blue coloured trousers and a pruple school vest with the school emblem stitched into the right chest pocket.


I'm going to assume that you're still working on the family and personal history.  Please note that you need these in order for your character to be accepted- espescially the personal history.

Rember to be detailed and confident in what you say, and you shouldn't have too much trouble.  If you need help or are unsure on something, let us here know and we'll be glad to give you some pointers.

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Topic name should be your character name. Your bloody character's background is incomplete.


Build would refer to size, not... amount. Your personality should explain more of yourself as a person. Just "silent" makes you seem boring, rather than just mysterious.


Other than that, nothing else I can say.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I got a good advice on this. Do not post if it is not complete.


Not to dampen your spirit or anything, it is just annoying to the admins and mods if they see something like this happening all the time.

Edited by Guest
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