Kratio 0 Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 (edited) General Full Name: Kratio Kalm Nicknames: Kra Age: 19 Gender: Male Race: Natural Occupation: Soldier Birthplace: Spain Citizenship: Eurasia Federation Personality: Can be seen as a lazy or laid back type but occasionally surprises people. Only thinking about the best choices for himself and those close to him, no matter what the consequences might be. He appears ignorant and arrogant but beneath the rudeness he has a soft spot for those in danger and will not stand by when he can do something. Appearance Height: 6'2" Weight: 152 Pounds Hair Colour And Style: Dark blond with white streaks in it. spiky all over with a long diagonally arranged group of white hair leading down his back to his waist. Eye Colour: Hazel Identifying Marks: Two angle wing tattoos starting from each shoulder blade leading down to his waist and a dog tag around his neck. Skin Tone: Slightly tanned Build: Averagely muscular but still quite skinny. Clothing: Wears a white vest, a short black jacket, black jeans and black shoes. Handiness: Ambidextrous Background Mother: Julian Kalm Father: Kato Kalm Siblings: Pence Kalm and Shauna Kalm Wife/Girlfriend: None Personal History: He lived a normal life within the Eurasia Federation. Quite poor, but always cared for and looked out for. The youngest in the family, he was quite spoiled compaired to the rest and liked to distance himself from other people. Feeling that only his family mattered, he didn't much care for the need of friends. By the age of 15, he had become proficient in Kenpo as well as other martial arts. his family barely having to pay for the classes as they were close friends with the teacher. He was home tutored and had a fairly good education. By the age of 18 he was fascinated by moblie weapons and hoped to pilot one one day. He built models of them and carved them out of wood in detail. These models sold and made quite a lot of money to the family. He was exposed to violence and picked on quite a lot because of his choice to isolate himself. When he could, he would walk away but other times he retaliated and ended up in quite a lot of fights. He made a few enemies, but they wouldn't say anything about him after a fight with him. By this time his father and mother had become aware of his choice on wanting to become a soldier. his mother was strongly against it but his father saw this decision as though it was his first decision into becoming a man. He had hardly any interest in girls, but had quite a few relationships. Reaching the age of 19 and having made enough money for his family to get along well, he set off as a odd jobs man to make money for his family. This brought him deeper into criminilism and he began to understand the rush of succeeding as well as the fear of failing. Never suffering a heavy penalty, he carried on with his career, only interested in jobs what paid him big. While visiting home one night, he saw his brother stabbed quite badly in an alley near his house. He could do nothing but watch as the attacker got away. Paralyzed with fear, he watched his brother slowly die in that alley. His sister had already phoned the ambulance, and was quite fortunate that his brother lived. They didn't speak to each other for quite awhile because of both his criminal life and his weakness of not being able to save his brother. His family didn't even look at him. Feeling even more isolated then ever before, he started to give up on life. Losing everything that meant something to him, he just couldn't face living on. He saw countless families pass by, each one looking happy without any problems or cares. He stared at his blood stained hands and beat into a wall until his knuckles had broken. kneeling down with both guilt and shame, he wished only for his death. until one day, he heard of a really interesting job which might give him some meaning. His job was to serve as a bodyguard for a woman who had been recently attacked. He did not question why but he felt as though his life meant something. Him and the woman talked and as they talked more they slowly became close friends. When his father had heard of this, he started to see him as a man once more. His brother had forgiven him as well as the rest of his family. Weeks past and everything seemed fine and normal again. He visited his family recently and became closer to the woman. After he had found the assassin residing in an alley, he caught him and brought him into the police. After turning him in, his job was over. Still getting in quite a few fights, he thought that his life was going somewhere. Also giving up on the odd jobs, he decided to make something of himself. A mercenary of somesort. In a bar he heard of a faction called The Soldiers Of Fire. The man had heard of his fighting skills and suggested that Kratio should go there. Packing his bags once more, his brother had come to wish him goodbye. He apologized for the way he treated him before. Feeling that he had failed as an older brother. Kratio forgave him and wished him luck in life also. Taking one final look at his city, he set of to join The Soldiers Of Fire. Hoping that he would make big money, and also gain some battle experience, he set of down the road to where his future lie hidden. Edited November 10, 2006 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishian 0 Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 (edited) The only thing I can think of is that you need to elaborate the bio, describe his life more detailed and you should be there! Edited November 6, 2006 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kratio 0 Posted November 6, 2006 Author Share Posted November 6, 2006 Ok, i added a little bit more to the bio if its any better now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishian 0 Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 its not up to me im not a admin, but I still think it you could elaborate some more, what he did when he was a criminal etc, if he attended to any offical fights with kenpo etc, its always fun to get to know your characters background, take a peek in http://www.adventdestiny.com/index.php/board,76.0.html thats the section for approved characters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Please change your Race to Natural (if that is what you were going for). Also, "Eurasia Federation" would be your citizenship, as your birthplace should be at least a country. If your character was born in that nation, then you may specify any country within the Eurasia Federation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kratio 0 Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 I've gone more into depth with my bio, changed my race and my birthplace. Is it just about finished now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liubei013 0 Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 A minor issue: Try to space your history out a little by essentially dividing it up into paragraphs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kratio 0 Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 Ok, i've spaced it out alot more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Place "Citizenship: Eurasia Federation" right underneath "Birthplace: Spain". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kratio 0 Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 Added my citizenship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Now, barring any comments from others, you just have to wait until Valiant comes in and approves your profile. Note that he's also the Soldiers of Fire faction leader, so you could take the waiting time to refine your profile in order to impress him sufficiently. Friendly tip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 You might want to look out for grammatical errors: "These models sold and brang quite abit of money to the family." "He was to serve as a bodyguard for a women who had been recently attacked. He did not question why, but he felt as though his life meant something. Him and the women talked, and as they talked they slowly became close and more or less friends." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kratio 0 Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 Made a few grammer and spelling corrections. Do i need to sort anything else out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Can be seen as a lazy or laid back type but suprises people with sudden outbursts of energy. Try typing something like, "but can surprise people..." or "but occasionally surprises people..." Height: 6'2Weight: 152 You forgot to put a " after the 2 What system is the weight in? Pounds or KG? Eye Colour: Snowy white What he has white eyes completely? Wears a white vest under a short black leather jacket with black jeans and black shoes with red laces. Try putting items of clothing together, eg: he wears black jeans, shoes and a short jacket Reaching the age of 19 and having made enough money for his family to get along well, he set off as a odd jobs man. So he made the money from being an odd-jobs man? If so you probably should make it clear he made the money for his family by doing odd-jobs. How come his family stopped talking to him after the incident with his brother? Was it something to do with his criminal life? You have to explain why His job was to serve as a bodyguard for a women Woman* I thought you were talking about several people at once lol After the assassin had been found, his job was over. How was the assassin found? Did he find it or did the police? Other than some grammatical errors and a few unclear sentences, it's fine! Make the appropriate changes and I'll move it for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kratio 0 Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 Okay thanks, sorted it all out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 I don't believe snow white eyes are a natural eye-color, in which case, you can say he wears snow white contact lenses (for whatever reason), but still need to provide his natural eye-color. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kratio 0 Posted November 10, 2006 Author Share Posted November 10, 2006 Changed them from snowy white to hazel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 I still see you using "women". "Woman" is the singular form and "women" is the plural form. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kratio 0 Posted November 10, 2006 Author Share Posted November 10, 2006 Ok, changed 'women' to 'woman'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kvonne 0 Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 lol immaculate job there valiant, but this isnt English class...nor science. cant we just fix major gaps and flaws in our bio rather than problems with clauses and grammar? ='( dont get me wrong. just finding it..kinda tiresome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 The main why I brought up the issue with 'women' and 'woman' was that it was confusing whether or not it was one person or multiple people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kratio 0 Posted November 12, 2006 Author Share Posted November 12, 2006 Since the grammers been done (i think ) is it accepted now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Yeah it's fine, I'm moving it now; be sure to post what faction you wish to join (which is going to be Soldiers of Fire obviously) I'd liek to remind you that Valiant is a little busy at the moment so it may take him a while to approve you into the faction Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kratio 0 Posted November 12, 2006 Author Share Posted November 12, 2006 Ok thanks, i dont mind waiting until he has spare time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Might want to officially state you want to join SoF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.