Vincent Addler

[Obsidian Dragon 0]

General

 

Full name: Vincent Addler

Nickname: Vince (Vinny to his family)

Age: 25

Gender: Male

Race: Coordinator

Occupation: Mobile Suite Pilot

Birthplace: December 9 (Plant City)

Citizenship: PLANTs

Personality: A kind hearted clown with a broad sense of humor. He believes the best medicine for any situation is to laugh. Easy going and mellow, it takes a lot to get the guy angry. He also likes to use one liners and witty comments to lighten any tension around him.

His demeanor allows him to make friends easily as well as gain the trust of those around him, despite his odd behavior. He is against revenge (hence the message in his tattoo) and usually jumps into arguments to act as a mediator.

 

Appearance

 

Height: 6'1"

Weight: 210

Hair Colour and Style: Dirty blond. Thick, just above shoulder length and spiked backwards.

Eye Colour: Teal

Identifying Marks: A tattoo on his left shoulder that shows an eyeball being pierced vertically with a dagger. Below the daggers tip is a scroll that reads "An eye for an eye, makes the whole world blind"

Skin Tone: Fair skinned

Build: A husky build from both snacks and His own preference of hard physical work. He has a rather pear shaped body with average sized yet toned arms and legs and broad shoulders.

Clothing: When not in any formal uniform, he can be seen wearing white cargo pants, a black kangaroo sweater and his trenchcoat that looks black, but turns to a dark emerald green when in enough light.

Handiness: Right handed

 

Background

 

Mother: Anastasia (Deceased)   

Father: Ichabod (Deceased)   

Siblings: August (Older Sister)

                            Micheal (Younger Brother)

                            Caanon (Younger Brother)

                            Sarah (Younger Sister)

Wife/Girlfriend: None

 

Personal History:

Though Vince was born into a loving family, his parents always nurturing his creativity and sense of humor and curiosity, because of the fact that his father was a ZAFT mobile suite pilot and his mother was a researcher for the PLANTS most of his interactions with them were via video phone. After his brothers and sister were born Vince and his older sister August had to take on the role as guardians of their younger siblings. A task they took to without complaint. Vince and his siblings lived off of the money sent to them by their parents which they used for various things that a family would need. All was going well until his mother was killed during the Junius Seven Massacre (February 14 C.E. 70). The resulting grief struck the Addler family hard, but the pain strengthened the family bonds between Vince, his siblings and their father. Vince went on to take up a multitude of odd jobs around the colony, while his older sister set up her own flower shop. Their father got himself a transfer, allowing him to visit Vince and his siblings much more often.

 

All was well for quite some time. Vince managed to get himself an orbital construction job in the colony and Augusts Flower shop was thriving while Caanon, Micheal and Sarah Went through school.

But once again, tragedy struck when their Father Ichabod was killed In action during the Destroy Crisis In Berlin. This had nearly killed all of Vince's aspirations of joining ZAFT until one day, when Vince went alone to his parents (Sadly empty) graves, he suddenly remembered something his father had told him years ago.

 

"Son, I didn't join ZAFT out of revenge or for fame and glory or even for the money. I joined because I wanted to protect our people and our home against those who aim to destroy us. And above all, I want to protect you and your brothers and sisters. So as long as I have people in my life whom I love and cherish, I will fight to the death to protect them."

 

Spurned on by the memory of his fathers words, Vince joined ZAFT when he was 19 years old. Much to the dismay of his brothers and sisters who believed he would come to an end similar to their father. Promising to himself and his family that he would fight to protect what he held dear to his heart and not for revenge against what happened to his parents, Vince set off. All the while, he could feel his mother and father smiling down upon him.

Edited December 4, 2006 by Guest

[liubei013 0]

Not a bad profile content-wise.  I know that some people have the habit of capitalizing every other word but Valiant may be a bit miffed about that. 

 

There are also some 'broken' sentences that you could refine.

 

Example:

After his brothers and sister were born, Vince and his older sister August had to take on the role as Guardians of their younger siblings, a task they took to without complaint.

 

Basically, just watch for partial sentences or fragments. 

 

Another problem which is rather common with profiles is the year in which AD takes place in.  The current year is CE85 while the 2nd Valentine War took place in CE73 and the 1st during CE70-71. 

 

...Vince was 12 years old. His Mother had been killed during an Alliance attack

This did not specify the period in which this 'tragedy' took place.  The same problem occurred with his father's death just prior to the 2nd Valentine War.  There isn't enough indication to correlate your character's current age with the events that were listed above.  If he was 12 years old PRIOR to the 2nd Valentine War, then he would be 23 years old at this present time. 

You can either modify the age or go back through the history and specify the years/wars to make it all fit.

 

Well, that's all I could see so far, I'm sure other people will point more things out.  Just keep on refining and you'll do fine.  Hope to see you RP soon. 

[Obsidian Dragon 0]

*Scratches Back of head Nervously* Heh Heh, Well you see the reason I didn't state any Time period was so that i didnt run the risk of Making Continuity Mistakes. Woops, Looks like i did anyway.

 

Ill make the changes then for the age.

 

And sorry bought Overloading the Commas. Its a common mistake that i have trouble catching myself on......

Edited November 26, 2006 by Guest

[winders 0]

Well you have a little capitalization problem, capital letters appear in the middle of a sentence, try to fix that up please

 

In his history, how did taking care of his kid brother and sister affect him? Did he grow tired of it eventually or did it make him a stronger leader or something else?

 

There's a time gap between when his father was killed, sometime around CE 73 and CE 85; the current. You should try to state how he's been bringing up his sister and brother; has he been giving them ideals or love?

[Obsidian Dragon 0]

lol! Yikes Winders, you sound like my old english teacher after getting my essays back. Good thing he was one of my Good English teachers......

 

Alright then, Ill see what I can do. *Cracks Knuckles*

[winders 0]

Well you know, I try and it's part of the job

[Obsidian Dragon 0]

There! I fixed the random captions and re-did the background alittle. Am I good to go?

[Rad 0]

Since there have been no conflicts since the Second Bloody Valentine War, your character could not have fought any battles when he was 21

[Obsidian Dragon 0]

There, Fixed. Anything else?

[winders 0]

You could work on the spelling; try a spell-checker then go over it manually (remember the slower you go through it the less mistakes you'll have in the end!)

[Valiant 96]

We have a Spell Check function there for a reason

[Obsidian Dragon 0]

Ah. Spellcheck done

 

Survey says?

[winders 0]

It'll do

 

Approved, be sure to APPLY for the faction you wish to join

[Obsidian Dragon 0]

As per Winders orders, I shall use this space here and now to formally request admission into the PLANTS and the ZAFT Military.