Luke Sliver _Revised_

[Luke Sliver 0]

General

 

Full name: Luke Sliver

Nickname: Luke

Age: 20

Gender: Male

Race: Coordinator

Occupation: Software Programmer, Free Forces Soldier

Birthplace: Orb, Ongoro Island

Citizenship: Orb Union

Personality:

 

Luke could be best described as happy-go-lucky kind of guy.He does sometimes let his temper

get the best of him and because of that cost him a few jobs. He will always try to control his

anger but sometimes it works and sometimes it fails. Most of the time, at work or either at home,

he'll usually break something up and that means he's pay check will be reduced.

 

But in battle, he's a totally different person .He'll always tries to get the best shot when

possible. When in battle, he'll be in attacking position first but when his mobile suit's battery is almost out of power, he'll go into defensive position. Most of the time, he'll try to conserve his shots and most of the time, go into close combat position. He'll also like to release his anger on his enemies.

 

Appearance

 

Height: 1.95m

Weight: 61kg

Hair Colour and Style: Brown, Short

Eye Colour: Blue

Identifying Marks: Has a scar on his left elbow that was obtained by a fight with his brother when he was a teenager.

Skin Tone: Normal

Build: Average Build

Clothing: When he's outdoors, he wears a red cap, red jacket, blue shirt, blue jeans and white shoes.He also has a small knife which he puts in his pockets,

Uniform:Standard Orb uniform and yellow stripes.

b]Handiness: [/b] Right Handed

 

Background

 

Mother: Robina Sliver(alive)

Father: Aaron Sliver(alive)

Siblings: None.

Wife/Girlfriend: None.

 

Personal History:

 

 

When he was born, Luke was the son of 2 Orb Scientists who lived at Orb. Luke's parents was a part of the Mobile Suit production team for Orb which is for making new mobile suits for Orb Union. His parents had another child, Kano who was 3 years older than Luke. At the

age of 3, his mother had planned to move to the P.L.A.N.T but their father forbid that.

At the Age of 5, he was sent to P.L.A.N.T to study there and come back to Orb after

finishing his basic studies. He was average in his class and his marks was also average. When he finished his basic studies, he's 7 years old.After finishing his basic studies, he went back to Orb to study there. His parents told him that after the ORB had joined with E.A, they overheard that they will kill all coordinators residing in Orb territory a week from now. Shortly after hearing that news, Luke's family moved to Plants for a time being.

 

When they reached the plants, they lived in Junius City and they lived in peace there. At

that time, Luke's family lived at Junius 1 until the war had ended. He was 8 years old when they moved to Plants.While he was at the plants, Luke grown an ego with comparing naturals and coordinators due to the nuclear attack by the E.A that almost hit Plants.The war ended when Luke was 9 years old.After the war, they moved back to Orb and Luke continued to study there until he's 20 years old.He started university at the age of 16 years old.He took the technical course.He learned simple mobile suit O.S programming and programming languages like C#, java and how to code programs.After he finished his university studies, he join the Free Forces military and he obtained a job as a software programmer.

 

Before joining Free Forces and having a job, he was always wondering about his family's

future, his fate and how he can help orb protect it's ideals. After joining Free Forces, he

was certain that his family will be protected by Orb.

 

 

 

Edited November 30, 2006 by Guest

[Rad 0]

First and foremost, edit your profile to remove those empty spaces. It occurs if you used a text editor like Notepad and copied the text while Word Wrap is on. Trying copying it again with Word Wrap off, and it should be spaced correctly.

 

Now, for specifics:

 

1) For citizenship, remove the word "currently".

 

2) Rename his mother. Flay is a canon name and is not allowed for use.

 

3) "11 years ago, Luke was the son of 2 Orb Scienctists who lived at Orb." This denotes either that he is only 11, or that he has been disowned.

 

4) Having lived part of his life in the PLANTs, how did the EA and ZAFT's assault during the wars affect him? While not strictly necessary, it would help a lot in knowing your character's motivations.

 

5) While it is perfectly acceptable to say that you have joined the military in your character's profile, it is not acceptable to say that you are piloting a specific mobile suit. These will be assigned by the faction leaders only after your approval into the faction and acquisition of a Pilot's License from Advent's Academy.

 

6) After addressing any or all of the above, proof-read your biography for spelling, grammar, punctuation and spacing mistakes.

[Luke Sliver 0]

Ok done.Anything else i have to change?

[Rad 0]

Please proof-read your profile for spelling, grammar, punctuation, capitalization and spacing mistakes. Specifically, you seem to have developed a habit of not putting a space between sentences.

[Luke Sliver 0]

Ok, editted.Anything else?

[winders 0]

First off please use the appropriate coding for your profile, http://www.adventdestiny.com/index.php/topic,17.0.html

It's at the bottom!

 

Some of your stuff is structured wrong gramatically; try to read it over and make it flow better.

 

I think all that stuff about his education is unneccesary; if you really want to keep it I guess you could say what those trips between Orb and PLANT did to his personality, did he grow an ego after comparing naturals and coordinators? Stuff like that

 

continued to study there until he's 18 years old. After he finished his university studies, he join the Free Forces military and he obtained a job as a software programmer.

How did he finish university so quickly? Courses take 3-6 years. Also what course did he take?

 

Now his brother, Kano was 21. Kano was sent for a reckon mission at an abandoned E.A factory. There, Kano was shot dead and from there on, Luke had a grudge against E.A.

Recon*

If it was abandoned how come he was shot?

There's a peace treaty, how come Orb would break that treaty by exploring EA property?

 

Fix up your grammar a bit more mate and it'll be fine

[Luke Sliver 0]

Bump, i edited the profile.Anything else need to be changed?

[Valiant 96]

Luke had bought a car and he likes to drive it if he is not ordered by any one higher than him to do something.

 

I doubt a soldier would be allowed to roam around like that. They would get time off duty but a soldier still has to stay in camp when he's on duty.

[Luke Sliver 0]

Ok, edited that so anything else?

[winders 0]

He is a very good at both close range and long range.

 

  Luke had bought a car and changed the manual transmission to auto/manual transmission and added a 6 gear drive from the previous 4 gear drive. He also got his driver's license before joining Free Forces.

All that seems either irrelevant or out of place; if you really want to keep those parts try putting them in places where they would make more sense.

 

Additionally HOW would he be good at close-range and long-range combat if he's just a software programmer?

 

Other than that it's pretty good

[Luke Sliver 0]

Ok, editted.Anything else?

[evo_Sieg 0]

Uhmm, just one nit-pick. To the admins and mods, like the issue on firearms, are we allowed to state real-world programming langauges like C# and Java?

[Rad 0]

As far as I'm aware, there's no problem with that. The firearms restriction is there because those are being managed by a member of the team, while programming languages are not being managed at all.

 

For all intents and purposes, C, Pascal, Java, Python, MOS, etc. can be collectively referred to as 'programming languages'. The specific details of a character's programming skill is left up to the player.

[Luke Sliver 0]

So is my profile approved?

[Rad 0]

Only an admin can do that. Please wait for Valiant or winders.

[Luke Sliver 0]

Oh, thanks for clearing that up.

[winders 0]

Just before I approve you I actually think the following isn't ness.

 

Luke had bought a car and changed the manual transmission to auto/manual transmission and added a 6 gear drive from the previous 4 gear drive. He also got his driver's license before joining Free Forces.

 

  Now the member of Free Forces, he is currently on holiday and is not doing any respective

Orb duties as of now until he's back which will be in 1 week's time. He is currently visiting his relatives at Plants.

[Luke Sliver 0]

Ok, editted.So it is approved?

[winders 0]

No

 

Post which faction you wish to apply for

[Luke Sliver 0]

I would like to apply for FREE Forces fraction.

Edited November 30, 2006 by Guest

[Rad 0]

Three things:

 

1) We're not a 'fraction'.

 

2) The FREE Forces is the military arm of Orb. Orb Union is the actual faction.

 

3) Your request has been received and will be deliberated upon. Please wait for our next post.

[Rad 0]

[align=center]Orb Union Bureau of Citizenry

Kusanagi City, United Emirates of Orb[/align]

 

This is to certify that Mr. Luke Sliver is a native citizen of the United Emirates of Orb, and is to be accorded with the same rights as all other loyal citizens of the Orb Union.

 

Furthermore, this citizen is an enlisted soldier in the Federation of Royal Emirates Elite (FREE) Forces, holding the rank of Private, with duties and responsibilities thereof.

 

Signed and Noted by:

Representative Rad Rider-Kamakura

 

------------------------------

 

Welcome to ORB, Luke Sliver.

 

Feel free to start RPing. Please keep abreast of all the Orb Foundation Week threads, as well as on the discussions in the faction boards.

 

Oh, and would you mind deleting your previous character profile thread?

[Luke Sliver 0]

Ok, i'll delete the previous character profile thread.