Mercurius 0 Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 (edited) General Full name: Kraid Nickname: Wondergaurd Age: 17 Gender: Male Race: Coordinator Occupation: Pilot Birthplace: Junius Citizenship: PLANT Personality: Kind, Compassionate, Caring yet burning with a strong inner rage Appearance Height: 5''9 Weight: 168 lbs Hair Colour and Style: orange/red uncombed Eye Colour: Viridian Green Identifying Marks: None Skin Tone: light Build: slight Clothing: red hawaiian flower print button-up, Jeans Handiness: Left-handed Background Mother: Died giving Birth Father: Presumed dead Siblings: none Wife/Girlfriend: none Personal History: Some say he was born of ashes, others say he was conceived of nothingness but in truth he was created just as you or me. It seemed as if Kraid was followed with bad luck his mother, a loving caring soul, who died during child birth would have been the only thing he had. Since his father hadnt even been present when he was born Kraid suspected that he did not love him.For most of his childhood He lived with his Grandparents, sure they were kind to him and they seemed to rub that kindness off on him he simply contained the anger he had towards his father. Since he didn't want anyone to see this burning hatred he hid his feelings of anger under an emotionless veil and simply became very gentle in nature and children began to enjoy his company. They started to call him ''Wondergaurd", because of the way he easily settled arguements between people, seemingly without effort he turned the harshest of threats into the gentlest of apologies. A few years later he had heard of his father being killed in an attack on a lightly fortified base in the Atlantic ocean he just shrugged it off and continued his life as it was. At the age of 15 people began notice him for his emotionless look at the same time keeping his calm cool quiet attitude at the age of 16 he was noticed for his piloting skills, wich he acquired during a short time in EA when he got an extreme interest in mobile suits. After leaving EA after honing his piloting skills he sat out on his own and bid his grandparents goodbye. He is now wandering the earth looking for a break, dancing on a breadline while still keeping his cool Edited November 25, 2006 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 You would need to expand on the personality. Also, what's with the poem in the history? Maybe you can explain its significance. The history is too short. Take a look in the library to check the standards around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 Please give a reason why he speaks like that then. This is a background... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 You have to make that fit into the background. Please revise accordingly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 (edited) 1) Please use the template. A pre-coded version has been provided. 2) Citizenship must be declared. 3) Four adjectives do not define an entire personality. Besides, these adjectives contradict the background which mentions "his inner rage." If he does have 'inner rage', expound on it in the personality. 4) Change your character's hair and eye color to more natural colors, or give a valid explanation why he has those colors (note that 'he's a Coordinator' does not count as valid). The easiest explanation is that his hair is dyed (specifying his natural hair color), and his eyes are covered with colored contacts (again, specifying his natural eye color). 5) The quotation marks that indicate inches is missing from the height. 6) The pound abbreviation (lbs.) is missing from the weight. 7) The personal history is not a properly written background. I echo Valiant's recommendation for you to leaf through the already approved character profiles so you can have an idea of how backgrounds we approve of (and profiles we approve of, in general) are written. When you have edited it, please reply to the thread and indicate that you have (even if your reply just says 'edited'). The reason for this is so that we are kept notified of new edits; simply editing your post does not produce this notification. Edited November 24, 2006 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercurius 0 Posted November 24, 2006 Author Share Posted November 24, 2006 Alrighty I completely revamped the char. since the old one wasnt what I was lookin' for Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 25, 2006 Share Posted November 25, 2006 1) Again, please use the pre-coded template. 2) Birthplace should be a specific PLANT City (ex. Januarius, Aprilius 2, etc.) 3) Citizenship would be PLANT; ZAFT is the military, not the nation. 4) Your background is too short. 5) Your personality says he is kind, compassionate and caring. Try explaining how he became someone so nice nice yet always looks emotionless. 6) Since his mother died giving birth to him, who raised him? Who does he consider his family? The "Father" and "Mother" sections could be filled with the names of his foster parents instead, if he has them. 7) Where did his piloting skill come from and how were they noticed? Again, please try browsing through the already approved character profiles in the Character Library for guidance and inspiration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercurius 0 Posted November 25, 2006 Author Share Posted November 25, 2006 that should do it, and that IS the pre-coded template Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rad 0 Posted November 25, 2006 Share Posted November 25, 2006 If it were, then the labels ("Full name", "Nickname", etc.) would be in bold. Did you just copy what you saw here? Try looking at that post again, then scrolling down. You must've missed the "Code for Template" section located at the end. It's the text in the 'code' box, with all those square-bracketed letter 'b' tags. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercurius 0 Posted November 25, 2006 Author Share Posted November 25, 2006 dang Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 What age did he enter the EA at? Cause leaving at the age of 16 is pretty much impossible as most military terms are for a couple years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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