Iris Asura

[Iris Asura 0]

General

 

Full name: Iris Asura

Nickname: The Blue Stallion

Age: 17

Gender: Male

Race: Coordinator

Occupation: Mobile Suit pilot in training

Birthplace: December City

Citizenship:PLANT

Personality:Cold and harsh, he generally shows no compassion towards anyone or anything. Aside from being his usual self, Iris has times when he is calm and relaxed, sometimes even nice to people.

 

Appearance

 

Height: 5' 7"

Weight: 147lbs.

Hair Colour and Style: Long Silver hair to his shoulders, originally Jet-Black.

Eye Colour: Ice Blue

Identifying Marks: A scar on his back from an unknown accident.

Skin Tone: Pale

Build: Athletic

Clothing:. Usually wears all black. In more deatil... A black muscle shirt with black pants. Sometimes seen wearin a long black jacket and wearing dark sunglasses.

Handiness: Right Handed

 

Background

 

Mother: Annalisa Asura, Unknown mother. Left his father when he was a little boy.

Father: Kuro Asura, disappeared and left Iris with his uncle.

Siblings: Kezu Hasura, uknown brother.

Wife/Girlfriend: None yet due to his harsh nature.

 

Personal History:

 

    When Iris was young he was one of the "lucky" kids. He had everything a kid could possibly want and not to mention friends. His happiness sadly ended however, when his mother left his father and moved away from the PLANT Colonies. Afterwards, Iris and his father began moving around and staying at different motels or shelters, it seemed that his days of happiness were over. Two years later, when he turned 11 he had lost his friends and any hope of being happy again. When he turned 13 his father took him to his uncle's house and mysteriously disappeared to work as a mercenary.

 

    So from then on he was raised by his uncle, who taught him about mobile suits and the wars that were fought in the past. The years with Iris' uncle taught him much but caused him great pain. He learned that his family had a history of fighting in the wars. His father fought in the Bloody Valentine war and was feared by his enemies. At the age of 16 Iris learns from his ucle, who was dying of an unknown illness, that he is a Coordinator, or a person inhanced by genetic engineering. Iris begins studying different mobile weapon files his father had left and decides to join the military to become a soldier.

 

Aside fom learning his father was a feared soldier, Iris also learns that one day his father was defeated by a mobile armor during the Second Bloody Valentine War. Now 17, Iris has developed a harsh and evil side due to years of recent abuse at the hands of his uncle. Recently learning he was a Coordinator, Iris has decided to learn to pilot mobile weapons in hopes of becoming the best pilot he can to return his family to their former glory. He has recently adopted the alias, "The Blue Stallion".

Edited November 26, 2006 by Guest

[Rad 0]

1) Your entered text should not be in bold, for example: "Full name: Iris Asura"

 

2) You may say that he dyes his hair silver, but please state his natural hair color.

 

3) Why is his mother's name unknown? If she left him as a little boy, then he would still have some memories of her - at least her name.

 

4) When he was 13, 4 years ago, there were no wars being fought. The storyline is set 10 years after Seed Destiny, and no conflicts have arisen since then.

 

5) Why did learning he was a Coordinator turn him harsh and ill-natured?

 

6) Also, the "nickname" should be something he is already known for. It is okay for him to want to be called the "Blue Stallion", but if he isn't being called that yet, then it's not yet his nickname.

[Iris Asura 0]

Alright I fixed it. Sorry about the mistakes I made eariler, I was in kind of a rush.

[Rad 0]

The personal history is too short, so here are some suggestions on how to lengthen it:

 

1) Try elaborating more on the four years he was with his uncle. Did he go to back to regular school, and possibly made new friends? Or was he completely sheltered?

 

2) You could elaborate on exactly why his father kept moving around so much, as you deemed it important enough to have impacted his personality.

 

3) You mentioned returning his family to it's "former glory". What was the family previously known for?

 

4) Why would recently learning he was a Coordinator make him decide to take up the life of a soldier? Try making a more direct connection.

[Iris Asura 0]

How does it look now?

[winders 0]

Being a lucky kid, how was he mentally before his mother left him? After she left, how did he feel? Angry? Sad? Did he become emotionally unstable for a period of time?

 

As he and his father travelled around various homes, how did they get money? Begging for money or by odd jobs?

 

When his father went to work as a mercenary, did he tell Iris about his new profession?

 

You need to state how his uncle treated him, only towards the end of the profile do you state he was abusive. How was he abusive? Did he hit him? Did he not treat him like his own? Etc.

 

How did his father keep mobile weapon files if they moved from place to place when he was between ages 9 and 11? Did his uncle ever try to take the files for himself and sell them or were they hidden? If hidden how were they hidden, it is after all Iris' uncle's house.

 

How did he feel after learning he was a coordinator? Indifferent or did he become egotistical due to the fact he was superior than most people (other than other fcoordinators)

 

How did he adopt the name the Blue Stallion? How did it originate? Most people don't pick up aliases for the sake of it.