Kite's bio

[kite ishma 0]

Player

Player name: Kite Ishma

Character number: 1

Faction: ZAFT

 

General

 

Name: Kite Ishma

Nickname: Phantom

Age: 19

Gender: Male

Race: Coordinator

Occupation: Mobile suit pilot

Birthplace: Februaries City

Citizenship: ZAFT

 

Personality:

 

Distant. Extremely closed off from the world it seems. He is barely open to anyone, so no one really knows how he thinks. Headstrong and very confident in his skills as a pilot. Many people see him as a calm person, but when he jumps into a cockpit his usual calm is shattered and he becomes a deadly force to reckon with. His instructors at the ZAFT Academy say that he shouldn't be so serious or he would die from stress.

 

Kite has a quiet demeanor sometimes people think of him as a wimp because he keeps to himself but that is taken care of when it needs to be. At times he seems as though as he harbors feelings of regret and hatred. Kite rarely shows his emotions because his afraid that hell over do it and come across as weird, so he keeps to him self. Kite also has a tattoo of a dragon going down his arm.

 

 

 

Appearance:

 

Height: Kite is average height, about 6"3

 

Skin tone:Fair skin

 

Eye color: black eyes

 

Hair color: jet black hair that hangs down to just below his ears

 

Build: Athletic

 

Identifying Marks: Dragon tattoo on left arm

 

Clothing:

 

Usually where’s His uniform up to standard. His recreation cloths are usually black jeans, white Tee shirt and a black jacket with an 8 ball in flames printed on the back. Sometimes Kite wears this when he's off for a day in town.

 

By: GJ-Riffic

 

Handiness: Right Handed

 

Background:

 

Mother:Jenifer Ishma Deceased

Father: Hero Ishma Deceased

Siblings:none

Wife/Girlfriend:none

 

Background:

Kite's parents where both doctors doing what they could for the war effort. The plant which his parents lived at was attacked. He was helping his parrents that day. First they made sure there son was safe b they tried to get all of there patients out of the hospital, and in to the shelters/life boats. They saved every one that they could but in the end, there lives where lost. Kite was greatly impacted by this when he learned of his parent’s death. His uncle David Ishma, a Mobil suit pilot for ZAFT recovered Kite's escape pod. Kite's Uncle was a soldier of ZAFT, he knew Kite would want revenge when he got older so, he trained him, taught him every thing he knew. Kite had become vary good at CQC,and how to use fire arms, as well as piloting an MS. Kite was thrown into a deranged state of mind. Kite had just turned fifteen. He finally decided to stop feeling sorry, and do some thing about it. Kite enlists to join the ZAFT army to avenge his family

 

Kite only has one goal now, and that is to destroy the Earth Alliance. He won’t hesitate to destroy any one who gets in his way. Kite also believes that he can make a difference, so he strives to be the best soldier he can. He's seen enough war to know that there won’t be a quick end to the blood shed. But he'll do what ever he can.

Edited August 29, 2007 by Guest

[DragonDaimyo 3]

Well, the character concept itself doesn't seem too bad. A revenge theme isn't too uncommon, but the berserker thing could get interesting. A quick note, though: Berserker should be mentioned under personality, not race.

 

One big thing I notice is that spelling errors are rampant throughout the bio. Some examples are: "quit demenier" should be "quiet demeanor" and "Descesed" should be "Deceased". Remember that the site has a spell-checking tool (down near the "post" and "preview" buttons) to help you when you post. I run just about every post and PM I make through it, and would recommend the same to pretty much everybody.

 

Also, what does "Picture:  tatoo not shown" mean? Do you have a picture? If you don't that's okay, but then take that part out.

 

The Personality looks okay to me, but I would put the Appearance in proper format to make sure you got everything, as it looks like you're missing a couple of things there. I would also expand on the background some more. For example: What was his life like before his parents died? What were they like? If he was in a deranged state of mind after the death of his parents, who took care of him during that time? Look over the profiles in the Character Library for some examples of how much background is generally desired in a profile.

 

Frankly, I think this could be a very interesting character when all is said and done. Keep at it.

[kite ishma 0]

Ok I added alittle more to it.

[darkphoenix 0]

Ummm, considering his age - in time of last war (2-nd Bloody Valentine) he was 3 years old, so it almost impossible for him to be in ORB with his friends at that time, even if he was genius Coordinator.

[Kaizer 0]

First thing I should mention is that I STRONGLY urge you to remove any reference to SEED mode in your profile.  While this is indeed a Cosmic Era based storyline and roleplay, we do not allow members to have access to SEED mode; its just plain god-modding, and thats no fun for anyone  .

 

Secondly, your background history is a little lacking in detail.  2 things I would like to see in it would be info on Kite's friends and on his parents.  How did Kite meet his friends in Orb?  Did they talk a lot over the internet or something, or had they all lived in the PLANTs as well, and simply moved to Orb at some point?  The other would be Kite's parents.  Did he have a good relationship before they died, did they do a lot of things together, how did he feel when they died?  Anything that can help define a character's personality is great to put in the bio.

 

The appearance section needs a little more work, and I suggest you follow the proper format that everyone else follows.  For some reason you put some of his physical description in his personality; thats not entirely wrong, so long as it has a reason.  If his athletic build is somehow representative of a certain part of his personality or his beliefs, then its good to mention; but you still have to put down those things in the appearance section to keep everything in order.

 

It may not seem like much to keep things all organized, but its all for a good reason.  A character's personality will be seen by people when they read your character's RP posts, and the same goes for said character's history, should he choose to reveal it to anyone (character development and such forth; I love the stuff ).  As such, the only thing that most people need to see when they first meet you is the character's appearance, so its good to have it all lined up for them.  Thats not to say the other parts of the profile are unimportant, as they help to get your character approved, and define just who the character is, how he came to be, and just where he might end up going.

 

And on a final note, remember to put down your parents names.  They may be dead, but they did exist, so they deserve to be mentioned as more than just a 'Deceased'.

[kite ishma 0]

Ok,  think I got evary thing......I hope

 

That was'nt the first pictur I had up at first but for some reason the Mod version was'nt showing.

Edited April 18, 2007 by Guest

[Valiant 96]

Please run a spell check and re-read what you have written. There are many spelling errors.

 

The history is too brief. Please elaborate more on it.

 

And just a note, the shortened form of "was not" is "wasn't" rather than "was'nt".

[kite ishma 0]

Ok lets try this again.

[kct 0]

And the picture, if it is not your creation, then credit the source. We do have a policy on copyrighted images (not to say you cannot use one, just credit the artist).

[Valiant 96]

There are still many spelling errors. Use the spell check. And the history is not up to standard yet.

[kite ishma 0]

Sorry I've been gone for a while. Finals <_<

 

Any way how is it now, I slightly changed the background......slightly.

[Valiant 96]

If you need an example of what a good character background should be like, look through the profiles in the Character Library board. There are many model profiles there for you to browse through. Perhaps by doing so, you'll have an idea of our expectations.

[fireminerva 0]

Kite Ishima, I've noticed that you've been active in the past week so hopefully you'll get this.

 

Is your character ready to be reviewed?  It's been a while since you've made any posts in here so I thought I'd see if you were still interested in using this character or if you wanted a new one.

[kite ishma 0]

sorry I've been realy tied up lately I'll get on it as soon as I can

[PhoenixForce 0]

Although I haven't been a member for long and haven't gotten my character approved yet. A standard I have noticed is that the categories are usually in bold (e.g Name, Nickname, Age, Appearance etc.) but this can easily be fixed.

 

Also you forgot the player information at the top of the page which consists of your player name, your character number and what faction this character belongs to. I know you say that in your character's history and citizenship but it is more convenient if you put it up in your player section too. With spelling mistakes you have quite a few in your background although in your personality its not 'him self' its 'himself'. You can check for other spelling mistakes using MS Word.

 

In your second line of your background, I think you should be more descriptive and say which city of the plants that was attacked.I know this sounds like a lot but it really is just a few simple things.

[kite ishma 0]

Well this is not much but its all I can do for now. Time is one thing I dont have at the momment so this is it for now

[Darkness 0]

I understand that you don't have much time to make many changes, however, for when you do have some time on your hands, here are some things I noticed:

 

In your birthplace, you've mispelt Februarius.

 

Your citizenship would be PLANT - ZAFT is the PLANTs military.

 

In the second paragraph of your personality, you have hell, when I think you mean he'll. There's also the spacing error PhoenixForce has already pointed out. Also, the mention of the dragon tatoo doesn't belong in the personality section, or so I would believe (Any more experienced members, please correct me if I'm wrong).

 

In your clothing section: I believe you want wears, not where's, 'he' does not require a capital H, and you've forgotten the e in clothes.

 

Background: Again, as PhoenixForce has already mentioned, there are a fair few spelling mistakes, and the background could have a little more depth to it.

 

Formatting: Although it is fairly close to the proper format, might I point you towards the proper format coding?

 

Other then those few things, Kite Ishma looks like an interesting character.