Infinitedge 0 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 (edited) Player Player name: Infinitegde Character number: 1 Faction: Soldiers of Fire General Full name: Allan Siev Frost Nickname: Allan Age: 17 Gender: Male Race: Coordinator Occupation: Pilot Birthplace: ORB Citizenship: ORB Alignment: Neutral Personality: Allan Frost is not your average "friendly" and "womanizing" guy. In fact, the only time he ever cuts loose is when he's around someone he truly respects as a friend, and not some guy who would rather look out for himself than save dozens of other people. His ideals are truly what you could call unreachable, where everyone "cannot" kill, instead of "will not" kill. Although he stresses these ideals he also knows that they will probably never be reached as he, himself, would take down another man if he was ordered too. This, rather odd, man is all business when it comes down to work. Although he may be nervous, he always tries to hide it. And he never forgets his place in his job, and the world. If he looked at a ranking officer, he would see a ranking officer. He only breaks the shackles of social order if he is asked or ordered too. But even so, he is a very kind natured man who, when he is not serious, actually fun to hang around with. The center of his jokes was almost all about himself, or about someone he knew wouldn't mind a joke or two. Whenever he cut loose, others would flock to him like kids running to an ice cream truck, and, once he had cut loose, his composure and concern of worldly, and personal, matters disappeared. It was almost like he had two personalities... Almost... Appearance Height: 5’10 Weight: 137 Hair Color and Style: Black, Short, and Straight. Eye Color: Blue Identifying Marks: He wears a necklace with a metal L shape attached. Skin Tone: Tan Build: Well toned and muscular, a solid build, but not one developed for crazy lifts, more for speed, agility, and for firing weapons. Clothing: Likes to wear Casual Clothes; T-shirt, Cargo pants, nothing flashy or special. He loves to wear sweaters, and loves the color blue; Sky blue, blue, dark blue. Handiness: Right-Handed Background Mother: Melissa Frost Father: Sean Frost Siblings: None Wife/Girlfriend: None Personal History: Born on February 16, C.E. 68. Although Orb seems perfect, it had its "rough" towns. His father was a crewman of a battleship. He died when Allan was only 2 months old. Allan's Mother grew very sick after hearing of her husband's death. As a child he did everything he could to aid his sick mother. They were unable to receive treatment from the corrupt doctor's that worked at the local hospital. Allan gained his determination when his mother was unable to work. He took a job at a neighbor's family restaurant. His neighbor taught him how to cook, clean, and survive with almost nothing. Allan considered his neighbor, Lucid Atray, 78, as the father he never had. Soon Lucid began to show signs of old age. A year before he died, he brought Allan with him to the City of Kusanagi, to show him that the world did not despise him, but, rather, that the world he lived in was merely an illusion; a shadow of its counterparts. Allan was amazed at the mere sight of the city, yet, in the back of his mind, he was determined to work hard, move here, and have his mother treated. With a goal set in his mind, he returned to his town and took up as many "good" side jobs as he could get. However, his Mother's condition grew worse. His Aunt and Uncle were concerned, and took them in. However, Allan's mother died a month later. After this Allan became very sullen, and shy and nervous around others. He felt that he let his mother down, and that, in turn, he would do others the same. Although his aunt and uncle were very nice, he still refused to give up the jobs he took earlier. Soon Lucid died and the last place he could call "home" was demolished. Before Lucid died, he gave Allan his necklace, a metal L symbolizing Lucid. Allan never knew the meaning of "perseverance" until he met a young girl named Resha. She moved in when he was 13, as a neighbor, and loved to annoy him. Resha was also 13, with short silver hair. Her parents both lost their lives fighting in the war against coordinators, and so she, in turn, became bitter of them. Her foster parents moved to Orb to escape the violence, however Resha wished they had not. Not many things can describe the hatred of Resha toward coordinators. When Allan met Resha, Allan nearly suffocated. Resha, although nice and friendly around elderly and naturals, she turned into another person around Allan. Allan, in turn, felt bitterness toward Resha. However, Allan would not harm another unless he had to, to survive. Allan grew tired of Resha nearly killing him every time they were alone. He started to avoid Resha. At first Resha didn't care and thought it for the better. However, without one to hate she started to close up and rarely leave the house. Allan didn't mind… One day, as he approached home, there were Orb law enforcers standing outside there house. He didn't mind and continued on however he soon realized that Resha had killed one of her foster parents and was sent to a hospital. Allan learned that not everyone accepted the treaty and that there were those who wished to harm others, just because of their differences. However, he realized, when that same person cannot be swayed, they, in turn, cannot be saved. His way of thinking caused him to not talk nor speak, other to those that he respected, trusted, or was forced to speak with. Even then, he remained cold and unsocial to many. At the age of 14 his aunt died and his uncle left him, for fear of being cursed. When he was 15, at a local part dealer, an individually owned mobile weapon rampaged throughout the city. The pilot clearly was angry, Allan was far way running with a crowd, however, and he looked over his shoulder to admire the mobile weapon. As he ran he saw a nearby Orb law enforcer who was directing people to a safety bunker. He emerged from the crowd to find the law enforcer with a helmet over his head and purple hair jutting out the back of his head. He had obviously driven a bike here as he could not use a car and get stuck in the crowd of people. Why the officer hadn't taken off his helmet he didn't know. The law enforcer spotted him and walked over. His muffled voice resonated in the helmet and took on a sort of manly bravado, "Sir, please head toward the bunker." The crowd had now dissipated and there was only two other people, a couple. He could tell by the way they were clasping each other’s hands. He would have smiled at the prospect if they were not in such a predicament, for the bunker was full to capacity and was directing people to a different bunker. The officer gathered us up and ordered, "Most of the citizens have evacuated so I will accompany you to another bunker. Are you all aware of the situation?" The couple nodded their head in confirmation while I responded and said "No, only that the owner of a MS is rampaging..." The couple and the officer stopped and stared at him. The officer removed his helmet to reveal the stunning face of a girl with purple hair and deep blue eyes. He would have stared at those eyes all day if they had not been staring him back. The voice had lost its bravado upon losing the helmet and revealed a melodious voice that was sweet to the ears, even though it had a harsh tone to it... "You are not aware that a bunch of naturals are rebelling and that they have an MS on their side???" Her voice was rising to a yell. He blushed and decided not to answer, however the officers yelling had alerted nearby troops of the rebellion and 2 men came out into the clearing, before the officer even had time to draw her gun, on of the men had shot it from her hand only to lie a foot away from Allan. He froze as the everyone's eyes drew towards the gun, then to him, as the men rose their gun to take aim for another shot, Allan dived for the gun, picked it up, had already began dashing away from their line of fire. He started to run when he saw their attention towards the others, he knew that he had to do something but he had never fired a gun before in his life... He decided he had to fire a few warning shots in their direction if their attention was to be fixed on him so he raised his gun and aimed, believing that, even if he tried to, he would probably not be able to hit him... So as he aimed one of them turned his head to face him as Allan's finger had pulled down on the trigger. The bullet exploded from the barrel, crippling his wrists for a second as the recoil fought against him, the bullet rushed towards its target and hit the man right between the eyes. The bullet impacted and pushed through his skull and into his brain, ending his life. Allan felt his arms go limp as the man arced in a cynical sort of a way, yet no one smiled at the least. He hit the ground with a thud as if it was of no significance that he had died at all. The other man was now staring at him, his gun trained on Allan's head, yet, as if every part of his body could sense the danger that was hurtling toward him, his legs jumped on their own accord as he dived out of the way as the bullet passed by him. The officer took this moment to subdue the man and forced him to the ground. Just as this happened an earsplitting sound noted that the MS had been taken down and was captured, and Orb troops busted into the scene and subdued Allan, who let up without a fight. His head blurred as he felt a singing pain in his left arm. He turned his head to see blood leaking out onto the street. It seemed he hadn't dodged the bullet and he slowly drifted from consciousness... He awoke in a military hospital with the officer and 2 other men standing over him. He had been informed that he was cleared of suspicion as he was merely acting in self defense and was praised for his actions... Though he did not feel like a hero, he accepted the humble offering he had received... However the officer, whose name was Suzuki Kunahara, had decided to take him under her wing and train him as a marksman, for reasons unknown... Or maybe just because she felt that his talents shouldn't go to waste. She had told him that he had hit the man, a wave of nausea swept over him, from 100 ft away with a handgun, and it was his first time shooting... They soon found out that it was not luck, although he wasn't able to hit the target again from 100 ft, he had a talent... He was trained thoroughly by Suzuki and had developed a steely composition. Suzuki figured out that he had a knack for Sniper rifles, and he agreed. He continued to progress until he felt that the sniper rifle he was using did not act like he wanted and he disassembled it, made some adjustments, mostly by increasing the power of the pneumatic springs, and coating the inside of the barrel with a sound absorbing agent that also allowed the bullet to exit the barrel faster due to it's slippery composition. Suzuki was impressed and shipped it off to the lab. The lab was also impressed by his ingenuity and decided to hire him to test, and create weapons and he agreed instantly... Although Suzuki was depressed, he told her that we'll see each other all the time, the lab was right behind the station after all. Even at Suzuki's birthday he proved, that although they did not work together, their relationship had not changed. He gave a rousing and thoughtful speech about how Suzuki's antics and training had rekindled the flame of youthfulness and fun that he had lost for so many years... He had been happy when he first arrived yet, after training for a year, and researching weapons for another year, he missed the exhilarating feeling of being in action, but decided it would be better to enroll in a mercenary group rather than the Orb law enforcement... After all, Orb never has anything interesting happening... He asked around and found that SoF was the most active Mercenary group around. And off he was... Edited August 23, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 The character background can be improved on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinitedge 0 Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 (edited) Do you mean the personal history? When I read it over, I realized that I shouldn't have wrote some of the things that were there before I edited it... Thanks, I'll try and come up with something... Edited March 19, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 It is on the short side. However, length isn't my main concern. You can add more details and give us a better picture of how he became the person that he is so that we can relate to him better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinitedge 0 Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 I added a bit more to show how he changed. Is it okay now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 You would need to clean up the formatting as well as re-check your punctuation. It is pretty messy. As for content wise, it is cliché, albeit a good attempt. Let's see if you can improve it further. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinitedge 0 Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 I know ... It's like the plot in all of my stories for fanfics ... I'll give it another shot after I eat something . OK, I think I have it this time O.o... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Did you type this in some word processor and then copied it over? The formatting seems weird. I'm not trying to be picky but presentation is still something you should watch out for. 15 would be too young for him to be enrolled in the academy, given that the factions would rather spend the money on more mature and experienced personnel. Perhaps you might want to think that over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Unless of course you have an extremely good or very plausible reason Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinitedge 0 Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 , Yeah, I copied it over from Microsoft Word... And he's 17, not 15 :\ ... "So... Approved?" He said hopefully. ;P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Hmm... it read 15 when I saw it. Ah well. 17 is still a tad on the young side but I'll let it pass. Approved. You may now apply for a faction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinitedge 0 Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Where should I apply for a Faction? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 You post a new reply here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinitedge 0 Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 O.o... I just say what faction I wish to join? I would like to join Orb, however, that would be unbalanced ... So, I'll join the Soilders of Fire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 You would have to modify the last paragraph of your character background then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinitedge 0 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 (edited) Where exactly should my character be "situated" in? (Because he is still a civilian... Or do you get accepted to the academy when you join a faction...? O.o) Edited March 22, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 The faction will decide if you are good enough to join the academy. You would need to join the faction and then show them that you are good enough to be recommended. The faction would actually have to pay for your school fees so it is their decision who to spend the money on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinitedge 0 Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 (edited) So where should my character live "currently," if not in Orb? (Or what about it should I modify?) Edited March 23, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 It is absolutely alright for him to live in Orb. I just need you to change this part: Two years from then, he lives alone in Orb, enjoying the time of peace. He was hoping to be recommended to the academy, so that he could protect those defenseless. This gives me the impression that he is waiting to be recommended into the Orb's academy rather than joining the Soldiers of Fire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinitedge 0 Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 Is it better now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 It isn't exactly what the faction is about but it'll suffice for now. [align=center]Soldiers of Fire [/align] We are pleased to inform you that you have been short-listed as a recruit of the Soldiers of Fire. You are to proceed to the Copernicus City where one of our agents will bring you to the Cleostratus lunar base. Details on the meeting place and time have been attached to this document. We wish you all the best in your time with our organization. We remind you that should you impress us during your stint as a recruit, you stand a chance to be promoted to become a respected Soldier of our organization. You are welcomed to contact us should you have any queries. Regards, The Soldiers of Fire Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinitedge 0 Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 You are to proceed to the Copernicus City where one of our agents will bring you to the Cleostratus lunar base. Details on the meeting place and time have been attached to this document. Uh... This may be an extremely stupid question... But, I have no idea where to go from here... .>" title="" /> Do I start posting on the Lunar base or...? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I'll take this to the faction board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinitedge 0 Posted July 7, 2007 Author Share Posted July 7, 2007 I changed the profile accordingly however, I do not have time to, currently, modify or add details... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinitedge 0 Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 Fixed up personality and History... Why didn't anyone tell me it was awful .>" title="" />... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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