Tsubasa 0 Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 (edited) General Full name: Tsubasa Asuka Nickname: N/A Age: 17 years old Birthdate: CE 69 24th January Gender: Male Race: Natural Occupation: Forumula-Car Racer Birthplace: Carpentaria Base Citizenship: PLANTs Personality: Tsubasa's an average teen with a quiet personality. He tend to think and care alot about other stuffs, but tend to not express them out to outsiders. The only thing he treasures are his friends, whom he is still searching for. He likes certain sweet food, but definitely not chilli and sour. Appearance Height: 5 '5" Weight: 125lbs Hair Colour and Style: Messy black. Eye Colour: Hazel Identifying Marks: His blind right eye Skin Tone: Fair Build: Fit and not on the verge of being skinny Clothing: Tsubasa normally attends outing with his racer's suit, though grease stains all over his suit and body. Red is his symbol, thus the color of his racer's suit, helmet, and racer car. Handiness: A rare left-hander Background Mother: Suhara Satomi (currently 37, a good-natured housewife) Father: Takashi Asuka (A strict 45 year old ex-MS pilot. Now retires and work in an entertainment centre) Siblings: Momoko Asuka (Tsubasa's chatterbox twin sister. But livens up the family's atmosphere) Wife/Girlfriend: Sakura Kinomoto (Tsubasa's childhood lover. Now he vows to protect her and protect Carpentaria.) Personal History: Tsubasa's father, Takashi meets a divorced woman, Satomi who brings her two kids along, two three-yearold children in the City of Kusanagi and marries her. A year later, they move into Takashi's hometown. Thus, Tsubasa and her sister lived in a society of coordinators. But so far in his community of friends, Tsubasa did not reveal much about his status about being a natural, thus adding in more effort into everything he does, Tsubasa doesn't really talks much to his friends about being an unmodified natural. But, he believes that putting effort and depending on himself is much more important than relying more on talent. He has his own fantasy of piloting MS, thus giving him a first opinion of being a pilot. Tsubasa first met Sakura in school. They had quite a fruitful of romantic days. But when Sakura's family decides to immigrate to Orb. Their farewell arrives. Tsubasa then waits till the day where they reunites. Tsubasa was born with a handicap of a blind right eye. But it tend to train him up with interacting his environment with feelings instead of pure eyesight. This special ability allowed him to do many other stuffs which other young teen are unable to, like driving a racing car professionally. Tsubasa works as a professional young racer in an entertainment centre where his father works as one of the coordinators. He has fair relationship with his parents, and his mother works as a housewife, pleasantly awaiting for her beloved son and father to return every single day with her proud dishes. Her sister, Momoko Sayuka is not objective on his brother's work. But instead, its quite apparent to see her proud of having a pilot brother. When Tsubasa turns 16, he knows that being a racer isn't going to change the destiny of the world out there. He decides to join ZAFT as a pilot. Bringing peace and trying to reduce conflicts and biases between naturals and coordinators is just one of the reasons for joining ZAFT's military force. Hating education and trying to get another full-time job is another reason inorder to finish schooling at that point of time, or else he has to continue to receive his education. Till now, he has one favourite phase; 'Never let Reality Ruin your Life." Cheers . A week later after his application, Tsubasa receives a rejection letter of application by ZAFT forces. This disaster befell on him and saddened him for a couple of weeks. He began a period of mental torment with discriminating and biases with races. He was furious at the idea of why Coordinators and Naturals should be so seperated. His father calmed him down and explained to him that that was reality. If he were to attempt to remove that biase view of race difference, ZAFT wasn't a choice. Satomi, his mother, acknowledged Tsubasa's determination about his goal, and then recommended Orb for him, where people might still accept as a pilot, as a Natural, though he lived in a coordinators community for near a decade. Tsubasa knew that as his destiny and chose to leave his family, leave Carpentaira, and head towards his supposed new allignment, Orb. Edited March 22, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 Please look at the other profiles around here to get an idea of the standard we strive for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaizer 0 Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 I like where this profile is going, and I could see it as being a truly original character (aka, I'm praising you highly). As Valiant said, checking out the other profiles is definitely the way to go towards improving your character, and don't be afraid to ask for help or suggestions; this spot is all about constructive criticism . On that note, while 15 is pretty young to think of joining ZAFT, its not an impossible one, and we can let age slide if it helps to define the character. Try thinking of things to put in that might help show why Tsubasa is so intent on joining ZAFT at this age, instead of finishing a formal education at the least. A natural living in a ZAFT controlled area is pretty rare, so you should add in how his race has defined his life thus far. Has he ever been treated badly/differently because of it? And if his father is a coordinator, does that mean he was adopted? Or is he a pure natural through a genetic fluke? (this topic has come up on another character's profile, so check around for it). How did he get blinded in his right eye? Is it a genetic defect, or did he have some accident that damaged it? Does he care much about it, or does he work harder now because of it? Like I said, you have tons of stuff to work on with this profile, and thats not a bad thing per say, as it means you have a lot to grow and develop. His family and friends are always a great source of personal history filler, if you think he's had an uneventful life, and we would always love to see more about a characters past relations (as you never know when they might come back). PS: Not really a comment or strike against you, I'm just wondering if you are a Cardcaptor Sakura or Tsubasa Resevoir Chronicles fan, as I know that Sakura Kinomoto is one of the main characters in it (not a real big fan of it myself, but I loved the music in Resevoir chronicles). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsubasa 0 Posted March 17, 2007 Author Share Posted March 17, 2007 Nah. Its just that i cant seem to find other suitable jap names. So i just anyhow pluck one of the shelves. Sorry for the uncreativity. But i like the name anyway. Anyway, points added. Hope they are acceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hannahkiki 0 Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 Some comments I have, maybe the following are the areas you can improve on? 1. I think 15 is too young to have been a professional racer. Maybe somewhere in the early twenties is still acceptable? 2. And there's something I don't understand - is your character's parents supposed to be divorced? In the first paragraph, you paint this picture of a perfect family but suddenly you jump to the father meeting a divorced women. Maybe you can clarify things a little? 3. And since he's a natural, what makes you think that ZAFT will accept him as a soldier? Did something happen to let him think this way? Some elaboration would be helpful. But I agree with Kaizer, your idea is something fresh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsubasa 0 Posted March 17, 2007 Author Share Posted March 17, 2007 Thanks for the comments. Anyway, i rephased his background. Hope its now more understandable. What his background is that his mother married previously a natural man. They then divorce, where the man fled, leaving Satomi with the two natural kids. She then meets Takashi, then married and moved to Carpentaria. I wanted to ask that whether 17 years old is now acceptable. Maybe he worked a year as a racer and then quit to join ZAFT? 17 is on the verge of finishing education anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaizer 0 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 17 is a lot better age wise, both for the racing career and for military reasons. The history for his family is much more intriguing now, and I like the idea that he believes in effort being the ultimate deciding factor in anything; that if he tries hard enough, he can do anything he wants. Watch out for little grammatical errors here and there, as they can detract from the overall feel of the profile (but I understand that not everyone has english for their first language, nor are in college or university, so there's plenty of time to improve). And hey, don't worry about the name thing, I was just curious, as someone else had used a name I recognized before, but had no idea where the name came from (it was all just a giant fluke). And of course, my main character is entirely based off of one of my favorite super robot wars characters, so don't worry about the name thing at all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 This is a good start. I'm going to approve this. You can now apply for a faction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsubasa 0 Posted March 18, 2007 Author Share Posted March 18, 2007 Thanks. Can I apply to join ZAFT? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 The faction leaders will attend to you when they come online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilhelm 0 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Denied by the Zaft Forces [align=center] PLANT Supreme Council, Nation Defense headquarters, Aprilius One branch[/align] I’m sorry to inform you that your application to join the Zaft forces has been denied by an ten to two vote. Following procedures set down before me, Zaft cannot accept an applicant with a severe medical condition such as yourself, Mr. Asuka. Signed Commander Reyna Wilcox National Defense Headquarters Recruitment Department. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ From: Senator Ashellia Ferrinas To:Mr. Tsubasa Asuka Dear Mr. Tsubasa Asuka, The motion although may seem prejudiced, I assure you that we tried every way possible, sadly my colleagues couldn’t see what I saw in your application. It saddens me that a person of your passion, should be allowed into our military. I send my condolences to you, and I apologize on behalf of the Plant Supreme Council, and National Defense Headquarters. Signed, Senator Ashellia Ferrinas, National Defense Committee Representative; Aprilius One Senator. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hannahkiki 0 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 We reccomend SoF or Orb for you Sorry that we are unable to accept your application. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 It is a little hard for a Natural to be enlisted by ZAFT. Do not be disheartened. I hope you can find a faction suitable for your character. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsubasa 0 Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 I still find ZAFT to be of my accquaintance. Is there any chance of being renlisted into ZAFT after I join other factions? But if I'm really left with no choice, can I apply to join Orb then? Orb might be my light of survival for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 I suppose ZAFT would not trust a natural lightly, not even to mention let one into their ranks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsubasa 0 Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 Then I would like to apply to join Orb's FREE Forces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 The faction leaders will review your application. Meanwhile, you can join us in the chat or simply post in the OOC threads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynnks 0 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Please change your birth year in your profile if you're going to be 17 years old. The world is in CE85 now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsubasa 0 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynnks 0 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 What I meant, was changing the year here But anyway, [align=center]Orb Union Bureau of Citizenry Kusanagi City, United Emirates of Orb[/align] This is to certify that Mr. Tsubasa Asuka is a naturalized citizen of the United Emirates of Orb, and is to be accorded with the same rights as all other loyal citizens of the Orb Union. Furthermore, this citizen is an enlisted soldier in the Federation of Royal Emirates Elite (FREE) Forces, holding the rank of Private, with duties and responsibilities thereof. Your strength of character is apparent to many of our military recruiters, but there is one thing that is a cause for concern. As things stand now, there is a slim chance of becoming a mobile suit pilot with a handicap such as yours. The only solution is that you will be ordered to wear a pair of Optic goggles or glasses during your active duty assignments. It is also to our knowledge that your application into ZAFT was rejected prior to applying into the FREE Forces. Going by protocol, we will be keeping a close watch on your movements and your contacts. Signed and Noted by: Representative Alvielle Torren Welcome to Orb, feel free to join the rest at the shooting range. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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