Wing Zero 0 Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 (edited) Player Player Name: Wing Zero Character Number: 1st Faction: Applying for NOVA General: Full Name: Rob Langer Nickname: None Age: 21 Gender: Male Race: Natural Occupation: MS Pilot Birthplace: London Citizenship: Kingdom of Scandinavia Personality: Likes being on his own and plays chess if there is any free time, very good snooker/pool player. Rob is always on the alert and try's to minimize interactions with people as he believes most of them would get in his way, he is very polite but talks only when necessary. Honour means everything to Rob, he also smokes cigarettes. Rob has a dark side aswell, a sinister side, one that loves to go into fights, Rob is a very good street fighter. Appearance: Height: 174cm Weight: 60 Kg Hair Colour and Style: blond hair, short cut, hair goes upwards direction with spikes pointing sidewards and straight. Eye Colour: Blue Identifying Marks: None Skin Tone: Pale Build: Slim but is very fit, has very well built arm, leg and stomarch muscles. chest size is 32inch while waist size is 30inch. Clothing: A black suit with a light green T-shirt. Wears black trousers, has black shoes, has his shirt untucked and has his collar button undone. When outside work, Rob wears a dark blue shirt, white trainers and black jeans. Handiness: He is right handed. Background: Family Mother: Nancy Langer (Dead) Father: Steve Langer (Dead) Siblings: None Wife/Girlfriend: None History: At the age of one Rob lost both his parents to a car accident, his mother was a head chef for a restaurant in London. Rob's father owned a car company named "Top Cars", Rob had luckily survived the accident himself because his mother held Rob tightly and positioned herself in such a way that she would receive all damage when the car would crash into the side of a wall, the reason why this happened was because the car breaks were cut off. After the crash the driver was still unbelievable alive, he took Rob out of the car and slowly walked towards an orphanage what was five minutes away, The driver had a good memory of the city and knew all of the places.The driver had pressed the door bell and then put Rob down on the porch an quickly but painfully ran away. The owner of the orphanage opened the door and saw Rob on the floor, she picked him up and took him inside. The owner of the place was an old lady, she at first called the police to inform that a boy was found. After two days the police had a report that Rob was the son of Mr and Mrs Langer. With no close relatives, the police gave Rob to the orphanage and also his wealth was divided to people who had a share in "Top Cars" business. The driver was never found again,the report from the police believed that he escaped to another country. Rob lived at the orphanage for fifteen whole years and in those years he grows up and becomes well educated but also he finds out what happend to his mother and father as he started to investigate and with very little information it took Rob six years to find out. After finding out what happened to his mother and father Rob's life changed, he started not to play with the other kids from the orphanage but instead fight them out of pure anger, he would be on his own and not enjoy life anymore. At the age of sixteen Rob secretly decided to leave the orphanage and so he did withought telling anyone about it. Rob started to work for two whole years at a clothes shop where he would work all day and night to ensure security and food. He received a lot of respect from his manager who praised him every day for the hard work and would some times offer a bonus but Rob would never accept it. At the age of eighteen Rob left his job at the clothes shop and started to think about working for the police as he felt that he could help the world by joining them. Eventually Rob joined the police force after passing the entrance exam with ease, Rob started to do desk jobs for the first year. The payment was poor but Rob did not take notice as he was only keen in doing his job. In the second year Rob started to Patrol places in London as there was an increase in crimes. Rob had arrested sixteen people and gave twenty people warnings for various crimes, most of these people were bandits and thief's, Rob got payed slightly more than he did in his first year but again did not really care. In his third and final year as a police officer Rob decided to go after the most dangerous people in London. Rob successfully arrested two international drug dealers but that was Rob's only real success in that year as most of the time he would find a dead end. At the end of the year Rob had received no damage from his missions. Rob had decided for himself that he wanted to leave the Police force as he wanted to move on to something bigger and more challenging, sure working for the police force helped London become a much more safe place to live but Rob's ambitions are to make the universe a safe and peaceful place. Rob at age twenty-one wants to join the NOVA forces as Rob hates the EA and PLANT for what they did to ORB at the first and second war. Rob wants to join NOVA because he feels that the Earth Alliance and PLANT are the creators of war and will not stop till the universe is under there control. Rob believes that NOVA is a faction of peace and that they will stop the EA and PLANT from destorying everything that exists. Rob's hatred for war is amazing, he can't stand to see inocent people die for stupid reasons and feels he needs to stop the war so that people won't loose there beloved ones. After leaving the police force, Rob needed to move away from London so when he joins the NOVA forces he may have a near by residence. Rob moved to Stockholm and bought a two bedroom flat with all the savings he had. The people of Stockholm were friendly and would treat Rob as if he was there long known friend. Loads of advertisement was happening around the city about basic mobile suit training at the Stockholm military base for people who had a Kingdom of Scandinavia Citizenship and were keen to join the force after training. Rob attended the training and for the first two months he was learning about the mobile suit, the interior, the controls, Weapons and other important information, Rob found the theory all to easy and impressed the teachers on numerous occasions. In the third month Rob was now inside the cockpit of a Mobile suit doing simple maneuvers, at first Rob found it difficult mainly because it was something new and different to Rob, slowly Rob got better and started to do slightly more difficult maneuvers. At the end of the sixth month Rob could do all the basics for a mobile suit and use the main weapons that most mobile suits would be equipped with. Edited August 5, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winders 0 Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 You could work on spelling; eg: Clothes shop, held You could probably elaborate and do some stuff like who was in the car apart from your parents and the driver? What his parents did to, what seems to me, be wealthy enough to afford a driver; how did the orphanage find out about how his parents died? I know it's not finished but those are some ideas to start you off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 oo Rob, hehee I rmember him lotsa orphans around these days arent there? ='( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wing Zero 0 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 oo Rob, hehee I rmember him lotsa orphans around these days arent there? ='( lol, maybe I updated it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 I believe the police would have searched for the missing boy and orphanages don't simply take in kids like that. There are administrative stuff like birth certificates etc that they would want to refer to before accepting orphans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wing Zero 0 Posted June 19, 2007 Author Share Posted June 19, 2007 Hey Valiant man, sorry for the long wait to complete this profile. I done what you wanted me to do before, anything else needed? p.s Is there anything new I need to add as I was absent for so long? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jase 0 Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 I like your profile I just have two points to state. Firstly: You might want to divide your paragraphs into smaller ones just so its easier to read. Secondly:I found one slight error At the end of the year Rob had received no damage from his missions and decided to leave the Police force as he wanted to move on to something bigger and more exiting. exiting I believe should be exciting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wing Zero 0 Posted July 2, 2007 Author Share Posted July 2, 2007 Thank you for pointing that out, *Update* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 It might be a writing style, but I think you should try to avoid writing the way you wrote the first paragraph. Rather than use brackets to explain the details, why not write it out in full sentences? Good to see that you're interested in the site once again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wing Zero 0 Posted July 12, 2007 Author Share Posted July 12, 2007 *Updated* Yeah, I always have a period of absent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaizer 0 Posted July 12, 2007 Share Posted July 12, 2007 Okay, seeing as you just got back from an absence period, I should point out that AD has made a few updates recently. Seeing as its possible for people to have multiple characters now (you have to buy the license to own multiple characters at the shop, at a hefty price of $5000 in site cash), we have edited the character application form. Its not much, but its one of those little things that everyone needs. Please add the following to the beginning of your profile: Player Player name: (The member who controls the character, i.e. you) Character number: (is this your 1st character? 2nd? say so here. Put N/A for NPC characters) Faction: (Put the faction you wish to apply for here; instead of having to wait to get approved before asking) On top of the above addition, there are a few things I would like to suggest, to help expand and clean up your profile: -Please bold all the titles in the profile (such as full name, nickname, age, etc..) as well as the headers such as general, and appearance. If you don't know how to use the bold code, please check the character page for the standard Character profile form (you can copy/paste it, complete with its coding). -I always discourage people from using the word 'average' in their profile when describing their character's build. I believe in individuality of self, and as such, believe that there is no such thing as an 'average' build or body type. You mentioned your character is slim as well, so perhaps you should expand upon that by mentioning how physically fit he is as well (is he just skin and bones, or is he slim but fit, like a swimmer or gymnast). As well take into account your character's height; someone who is slim but tall can look a lot different from someone who is slim but short. -In your profile, I think you should mention why Rob chose to go to Orb rather than stay in London. Is it something about Orb's ideology that inspires him; or is there something specific about the Earth Alliance that he does not like. Seeing as Rob never seemed to make a lot of money during his life, I just believe that such a large move should be thoroughly explained. Perhaps it has been something that he has been saving up for ever since he left the orphanage? Other than the recommendations above, I haven't seen much to critique upon. However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't look over the profile either; you might see something that I missed, or you might have ideas of things to add to Rob's character that you never thought of before. Little changes here and there sometimes lead to bigger changes. Hope this helps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wing Zero 0 Posted July 31, 2007 Author Share Posted July 31, 2007 Thank you for that Kaizer, looks much better now . I also improved on the Personality and stuff. *Updated* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liubei013 0 Posted August 1, 2007 Share Posted August 1, 2007 Almost there. You have a tendency to mix up tenses (past and present) when you should try and stick with just one tense. (e.g. broke instead of breaks, etc.) A Personal History is just that; past details of one's character. Paragraph 3: 'whole' instead of 'hole' (A spell checker would not catch that. I suggest re-reading your profile to look for other minor errors.) The two main issues I saw content-wise in your History is your character's motivation and methodology. Where did he get his training for his occupation as MS Pilot? (If he received training at one of the NOVA nations, that must be mentioned.) While you mentioned his reasons for wanting to join NOVA, you did not specify which nation he would need to move to and why he chose the said nation. Also, his motivations do not fully connect with the rest of his History. How is it that he dislike the instigators of the war? How did the war(s) affect him that would cause him to feel this way? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wing Zero 0 Posted August 2, 2007 Author Share Posted August 2, 2007 Thanks for the help liubei. I sorted out the past and present matters and one or two spellings. The others I think I have done pretty well to. *Updated* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liubei013 0 Posted August 4, 2007 Share Posted August 4, 2007 Profile approved. Applicant is now a part of NOVA, specifically the Kingdom of Scandanavia. (Sorry, no fancy stationary yet for nations other than Orb ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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