Jason 0 Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 (edited) General Full name: Jason Snow Nickname: none Age: 19 Gender: male Race: Natural Occupation: Solider Birthplace: Republic of East Asia Citizenship: Orb Personality: He generally makes an attempt to be friendly and does not to jump to conclusions though he can get a bit short tempered and judgmental at times. Very dedicated to his work even if he doesn’t really believe in the reasons behind it. He not quite an alcoholic but does tend to over drink occasionally and despite trying several times has yet to completely quit. Appearance Height: 5’9” Weight: 187 lbs Hair Colour and Style: Roughly shaven with short brown hair, too short to do anything with it Eye Colour: Dark Green Identifying Marks: a broken nose, it has healed but is still slightly squint Skin Tone: Caucasian Build: Muscularly athletic Clothing: When not in uniform, he normally just wears jeans and a white shirt Handiness: Right-handed Background Mother: Catherine Snow (Deceased) Father: Michael Snow Siblings: Greg Snow (Deceased) Jessica Snow Wife/Girlfriend: Ex wife Emma Edisson Personal History: Although he was born in East Asia, both of Jason’s parents were original from Europe so he didn’t look Asian. Jason’s parents had moved to Asia on business before their children were born and decided to stay there permanently. Jason his brother and sister all did well in school and achieved average grades, the family lived happily although sometimes struggling with money troubles. One day while coming home from a hard day at work Catherine Snow was fatally run down in a hit and run accident. When the family were told of Jason’s mothers death and that they had to identify her body. Jason had to go as his father was unable to stand on revising the news and was an emotional wreak for weeks after even though he never did properly get over it. In the hospital Jason watched as they wheeled his mother over on a trolley, pulled back the white sheet and the pale face of his mother stared back at him. Jason had nightmares for months after. After Jason's mother died his father changed, he was no longer the upbeat person he used to be. He did his best to clothe and feed his three children but money was a luxury Jason’s family had never had and with one less paycheck times were hard. Michael Snow became more and more depressed until eventually he was fired from his work for his inefficacy, around this time Jason got a job as a welder. So as his dad drifted from job to job Jason became the family’s main income. As the family struggled on, Jason’s brother Greg’s school work went down hill until finally he stopped going and started hanging out with the wrong crowd. Viewing himself as a failure Michael became an alcoholic. An addiction Jason shortly followed because of the stress he was under through his work, supplying his family and his now abusive father. Unable to get another job Michael Snow slipped into a life of crime to get money to pay for alcohol. Jason now the sole provider for his brother and sister again followed in the footsteps of his father, braking into houses and mugging passers-by to make more money. With the exception of his sister Jason’s family were all involved in illegal activities. Jason’s father had raked up quite a bit of debt. Debt he couldn’t pay. Jason’s brother was now addicted to drugs and Jason himself was rarely going to work, getting his money instead by stealing. Jason realising how bad things were going. He quit his “habits” after some serious run ins with the law. He began working double shifts at his work to try and save enough money to get himself and his brother and sister out of republic of east Asia and into Orb (Jason had heard about the “People’s Army” and there exploits so believed that it was the best place to try and straighten out his dysfunctional family) and leave their father behind but only if Greg would kick the drugs habit. His younger brother agreed. Late one night there was a knock on the door, Jason’s sister answered it. It was the police Greg had been stabbed in the throat and had died on the way to hospital, they needed someone to ID the body. Jason’s dad simply stood up and walked out the house ignoring the protests from the police and his own children. Jason took Jessica to one side and told her to quickly pack only important items and that he’d be back shortly and that everything would be ok. Before Jason hadn’t the money to pay for the three of them to leave yet but with Greg out the picture he could get his sister and himself away. It was a short trip to the hospital and a shorter one to the morgue. When they got there the doctor pulled back the sheet to reveal Jason’s brother. Jason just nodded when they asked him the question and turned to go, surprising himself with how little he cared about the death and the flashbacks he was getting about the last time he had to ID a corpse. All he could think about was getting his sister away from this, before he had to identify her on a table too. When he got home Jason told Jessica that Greg wouldn’t be coming with them, then grabbing the bags and taking the crying 10 year olds hand he walked away. Not before placing an old family photo with everyone in it smiling on the front door and forcing a knife through the picture and into the wood behind it. Jason loved his father once but those days were long gone and he hoped with all his heart that the man would regret how he had turned out and that the photo would remind him what he had thrown away. Jason and his sister headed to Orb territory and got a very small flat with the last of their money. Jessica got back to school and Jason found himself a job like his old one, welding but he was still unable to give up the drink. When Jason turned 18 he met Emma Edisson. In a month they were engaged to be married despite their different backgrounds, this was probably the only time Jason stop drinking completely. Happy for the first time in ages Jason life turned around. He got a job in the FREE forces because after welding for most of his time and he decided that he wanted to do something else with his life. He felt like he could do more and the military would offer him that chance. With Emma they got a house together. About 3 month after they were married Jason’s wife told him that she was pregnant. Jason was over the moon, he felt his life was complete. Unfortunately fate had other plans, Emma miscarried leading to the break down of their relationship. Unable to talk about what happened Jason and Emma would get into fights over the slightest thing. Realising it was stupid to stay together they filed for divorce and went their separate ways. Although their relationship ended badly Jason and Emma still keep in contact. Edited October 21, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temari-Desert-Storm 0 Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 I know I'm not an admin, but I have to say that you should stick to the template. Things should be underlines and bolded where it says. I'm just saying this because I got notified about the same thing. Good luck getting approval! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason 0 Posted October 7, 2007 Author Share Posted October 7, 2007 Don't have to be an admin to relise a mistake, thanks for the advice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temari-Desert-Storm 0 Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 My pleasure. Also, I'd just like to note that some of your sentences seem...miswritten. There are some sentences that could be one instead of two, or two instead of one. You might want to read it over and see if you could fix them to read smoother. And, if you haven't already done it, check that words are spelled correctly. Nothing is more embarrassing than realizing you spelled something wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason 0 Posted October 7, 2007 Author Share Posted October 7, 2007 Well I re-read it and changed some of the grammer. Thanks again Hopfully there woun't be an thing for the admins to pick up on Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temari-Desert-Storm 0 Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 Once again, no problem. I also forgot to mention something..... (I know, I'm probably getting annoying). You're kind of lecking in the punctuation department. I see some places that need commas, you're missing some apostraphes, and some places where you could use a semicolon or a colon in place of a period or comma. I just really think there are a few slight changes you could make. As of content, it's all fine as far as I can see. But, you still might want to have an admin look it over. They know the rules and standards better than I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liubei013 0 Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 @Temari: You don't have to fully know the standards in order to be able to help out. (which you did, so it's appreciated) @Jason: The template also has information at the very top of the profile which requries you to put down your username, Character Number, and Faction of choice. Please review the template to see what I mean. Content-wise, I really liked how you laid out Jason's story and even how he himself fell on hard times. I don't see any major issues with that. The only gap I see regarding your content is when/how he joined the FREE Forces (Orb's military). A paragraph should be sufficient to explain that little bit there. However, grammatically, your profile is lacking in some areas, many of which Temari already mentioned. We don't expect people to come in here with perfect grammar (I'm far from perfect, too. ) but we'd like to see people here show comptency and a drive to improve their writing skills. (Also considering that the head honcho, Valiant, is quite the grammar 'Nazi' ) For instance, the sentence right after your first paragraph in your History could easily be combined with the next paragraph, considering the relevance of the topic. In the fourth 'paragraph' you did not use the proper 'posessive' form with "After Jason mother died..." when it should be "After Jason's mother died..." Let's see...'Paycheck' is a compound word. Also, when Jason finally left the house with his sister, the wording you had when Jason took the picture was rather...awkward. "Not before placing an old family photo with everyone in it smiling on the front door and driving a knife through his father’s face to hold it in place." The above is an incomplete sentence but it also sounded like Jason stabbed his father, when it shows in your Background that Michael was still alive. The above was just a few errors I noted. I don't expect you to find each and every little error, but it would be recommended to be mindful of such. Anyways, a little more work including the required template and I'll be able to approve it then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temari-Desert-Storm 0 Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 I'm enough of a grammar 'Nazi' myself, but I'm trying to be nice. This is why it's good to have someone check it. I didn't notice some of these things. Just iron out the details, and good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason 0 Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 Ok that's the contents hopefully sorted out now for some fun with grammer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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