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MobileWeaponAce

Kanto Weyth

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I'm undecided over this one. You seem to alternate between active and passive voice. It doesn't flow well. In fact, this should be in passive third person. I suggest you refer to the way others RP.

 

You have to understand that if you write in present tense, then switch to past, it sounds weird. So, are we in the past or are you describing it as it happens? And then you switch back to present. Hmm... so was the paragraph in past tense a flashback?

 

I hope you get the gist.

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