Ryan Nicholas Stenbuck, 'Waiting for Approval'

[Strike 0]

Player

Player name: Strike

Character number: 01

Faction: ZAFT

 

General

 

Full name: Ryan Nicholas Stenbuck

Nickname: N/A

Age: 17

Gender: Male

Race: 3rd Generation Coordinator

Occupation: Mobile Suit Pilot

Birthplace: Maius City, PLANTs.

Citizenship: Maius City

Personality: Not one to question a higher up, Ryan has been known to complete a task no matter how difficult or dangerous it is. Once he has set his mind on doing something, Ryan will not give up till its done. Likes to make sure that he does not get into trouble with his superiors. he does not kill anybody no matter whether they are friend or foe.

 

Out of military, Ryan is usually laid-back and just loves to sit around and watch the sky. If he isn’t sitting down then he’s out with friends or doing some other fun activity. He enjoys having a laugh with friends.

 

Appearance

 

Thanks to Photobucket for hosting the picture.

Thanks to Sega Sonic Team for the picture of game character, “Ethan Waber” from their new game, “Phantasy Star Universe: Ambition of the Illuminus”

 

Height: 5’9

Weight: 65kg

Hair Colour and Style: Auburn, short and untidy. Somewhat spiky also.

Eye Colour: A dark blue colour.

Identifying Marks: A scar that runs down the right side of his back.

Skin Tone: Caucasian

Build: Average build with slight muscles.

Clothing: Usually wearing a black coat that splits at the back and continues down to the thighs. Underneath the jacket he wears a dark shirt. Black trousers and black trainers are also the norm for Ryan.

Handiness: Right-handed

 

Background

 

Mother: Piper Alexandra Stenbuck, 43. Alive.

Father: Matthew Huyga Stenbuck, 45. Alive.

Siblings: Thomas Stenbuck, 14. Alive.

Wife/Girlfriend: N/A

 

Personal History:

 

Born to Piper and Matthew in the 68th Year of the Cosmic Era, Ryan was raised by his parents on Maius City. Born during a time when peace kept the Coordinators and Naturals together, Ryan’s childhood was happy and full of peace. This however went on only for two years before the First Bloody Valentine War shattered this peaceful time and broke the hearts of many people.

 

Ryan was only little when the first war began and had nothing really to do with the battles although he knew his father was out fighting for him and his mother. He heard little from his father, so little that him and his mother began to wonder if he would ever come back. Althought with his fear surrounding his inner self, Ryan still led a normal and full childhood and he even attended a few concerts held by Lacus Clyne.

 

Just before Operation Spitbreak, Matthew Stenbuck returned to the PLANTs for a short leave. During this time, Ryan spent the day at school and with his father while Matthew and Piper spent the time, while Ryan was asleep.. This lead to Thomas being born after the Second Battle of Jachin Due.

 

As the First Bloody Valentine War was over, Matthew Stenbuck returned once more, to his sons and wife. Ryan continued school and passed with just under prefect marks. Being a Coordinator and taught in a Coordinator School, it was very difficult for Ryan to be the best unlike those Coordinators who went to mixed schools. He moved to the upper school just before the Second Bloody Valentine War.

 

Once more his father left and Ryan was left as the head of the house while his father was gone. He had to protect his mother and brother from the terrors that plagued the PLANTs at the start of the war. He continued his studies and continued to get high marks in his exams. He began to become interested in the working of the Mobile Suit and took courses on Mobile Suits Construction and Development to learn more. While he done this, he also began working in ZAFT Mobile Suithanger and learned the basics of Mobile Suit construction and functions. However he wasn't allowed into a cockpit as he was still underage.

 

He began working in a Mobile Suit hanger and working on multiple types of Mobile Suit however he never got to work on a Gundam or any of the suits given to higher ZAFT soldiers. This was due to the fact that many people supported the ideals of the Clyne Faction/Three Ships Alliance. Ryan read up on their ideals and secretly supported the ideals of the faction. He adopted their no killing idea and decided if he ever did fight in a war that he would take that stance when fighting.

 

At the conclusion of the Second Bloody Valentine War, Matthew returned having been Medical Discharged. He had suffered head injuries and to have him on the battlefield was dangerous. Piper spent most of her time looking after him leaving Ryan to look after Thomas. He helped his sibling through school and taught him many a things that Matthew could no longer teach.

 

After his seventeenth birthday in C.E. 0085, he applied for the job of Mobile Suit testing at a ZAFT base. He was allowed to be a test pilot in Mobile Suit Simulation and began to get a feel of the Mobile Suit and was noted as being an above average pilot. His job made him join the military to help protect his family and home. Some said he would be called straight away for the Mobile Suit forces if another war happened. He brushed off the comment, however little did he know that he would have to someday……….

Edited September 11, 2007 by Guest

[liubei013 0]

Not a bad start.

 

One problem in general is that you sometimes overuse punctuations like periods and commas. 

...shattered this peaceful time., and broke the hearts of many people.

 

...his father while Matthew and Piper spent the time, Ryan was asleep, together.

The above could be revised to '...,while Ryan was asleep,' because otherwise this sentence is rather awkwardly worded. 

 

You also have a tendency to type several incomplete sentences in one go when a single comprehensive sentence would do the job.

As the First Bloody Valentine War was over, Matthew Stenbuck returned once more. This time to his sons and wife.

These two sentences could be simply divided with a comma.

 

You also seem to put simple sentences at random intervals or at least in an order that may make the flow of the History a little confusing.

...and his mother began to wonder if he would ever come back. He had attended a few concerts held by Lacus Clyne. He grew up like another normal child during the war.

The concern regarding Matthew is discontinued with the sudden talk about concerts and a normal childhood.  A suggestion would be something like 'Despite that, he was able to grow up like any other normal child...' and then you can list minor events to detail his childhood, such as the aforementioned concerts. 

 

The second to last paragraph seems out of place with the rest of your History in that it suddenly covers a span of several years.  The details regarding his early employment could be integrated into the sixth paragraph instead.  (When I first read the sixth paragraph, I thought he ended up as a mechanic for the military since no details of that sort were mentioned.)

 

I probably missed something here or there, but it's a start.  There's no need to revamp this profile but I would suggest going through it carefully to catch little mistakes here and there.

[Strike 0]

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[fireminerva 0]

Sorry that I'm only doing this now, I need to pay more attention to this board.

 

Please go back through your character profile and review your grammar.  I've found a lot of statements like "Ryan was only little when the first war began" which need to be tweaked a little bit.  Aside from those small grammatical changes everything else looks okay.

[Janus 5]

hmmm.. from the history, I received his attitude of being a responsible and determined persona. However, I'd like so see some anecdotes in it to bring out some other aspects of Ryan.