Vincent "The Destroyer" WarLancer

[TheOneShroudedInDarkness 0]

Player

Player name:Syn

Character number:1

Faction: SOF

 

General

 

Full name:Vincent WarLancer

Nickname:The Destroyer

Age:21

Gender: Male

Race:Natural

Occupation:Assassin

Birthplace:Eurasia Federation

Citizenship: Atlantic Federation

Personality:Cold and Evil

 

Appearance

 

Height:6' 5"

Weight:130

Hair Colour and Style:Black 

Eye Colour:Red

Identifying Marks: Scars on arm, back,and forehead

Skin Tone: Tan

Build:Slightly Muscular(not ripped)

Clothing:Black jacket with red shirt underneath

Handiness:Right-handed

(here is a pic just in case)

 

Background

 

Mother:Sharon WarLancer  *(D)

Father: Maze WarLancer  *(D)

Siblings:Shaun "The Doom Bringer" WarLancer and Zaren "The Demolisher" WarLancer (other characters i am going to make just need to read the multiple character guide)

Wife/Girlfriend: Celest Rosenstar(Rose-n-star)  **(TTBD)

 

Personal History:Vincent and his two brothers witnessed the death of their parents and were torn from their loved ones now he and his brothers seek vengeance

 

(*=Deceased **=Thought to be deceased)

[Ryou Misaki 0]

Erm, well my basic input on this is very simple..

 

Look at some of the other bio's out there and compare them to yours and what you need to do is simple;

 

Expand on history/Personality/etc etc

 

you also need to credit that pic to the creator/artist who made it. ( Just go look up series and you'll find the producer/character design)

[liubei013 0]

Aiyah...where do I start...

(I hope this is a work-in-progress...)

 

Your Personality is way too short.  While we don't have a specified minimum, typically profiles have a paragraph's worth for their Personality.  'Cold and Evil' is rather cliche and doesn't say too much about a character.  How is your character 'cold and evil'?  How is he able to have had a relationship (with a gf, for example) with such a personality?  I'm sure you could add more details and emphasis to this.

 

Red eye color generally isn't natural unless your character has albinism.  Colored contacts are allowed though as long as a natural eye color is stated.  (not my policy and we've already debated this issue to death)

 

History is obviously way too short.  See approved character profiles in the Character Library to get an idea about our expectations here.  There's a lot that you could put in.  For instance, you could put information down about his early life with his family and where he grew up.  How did his life shape him into the way he is?  (this'll tie to his Personality)  How did his parents die?  Why/How were they separated from their loved ones?  How did he get his nickname?  (Some nicknames are 'casual' while others are obtained through some past events.)  What is his specialty?  There's a lot that you could write about with just the points I just mentioned though they aren't the only things you could develop.  

 

And the above remarks are meant to help you not only getting used to how we do things here in this literate RPG, but to help you get approved as soon as possible.  

 

EDIT: And yes, please credit the picture as Ryou mentioned.

[TheOneShroudedInDarkness 0]

Erm, well my basic input on this is very simple..

 

Look at some of the other bio's out there and compare them to yours and what you need to do is simple;

 

Expand on history/Personality/etc etc

 

you also need to credit that pic to the creator/artist who made it. ( Just go look up series and you'll find the producer/character design)

 

umm... well i do not even have a clue what anime the pic is from

[liubei013 0]

Wolfwood from Trigun ©Studio Madhouse

 

(Just copy/paste that under the pic )

[TheOneShroudedInDarkness 0]

Aiyah...where do I start...

(I hope this is a work-in-progress...)

 

Your Personality is way too short.  While we don't have a specified minimum, typically profiles have a paragraph's worth for their Personality.  'Cold and Evil' is rather cliche and doesn't say too much about a character.  How is your character 'cold and evil'?  How is he able to have had a relationship (with a gf, for example) with such a personality?  I'm sure you could add more details and emphasis to this.

 

Red eye color generally isn't natural unless your character has albinism.  Colored contacts are allowed though as long as a natural eye color is stated.  (not my policy and we've already debated this issue to death)

 

History is obviously way too short.  See approved character profiles in the Character Library to get an idea about our expectations here.  There's a lot that you could put in.  For instance, you could put information down about his early life with his family and where he grew up.  How did his life shape him into the way he is?  (this'll tie to his Personality)  How did his parents die?  Why/How were they separated from their loved ones?  How did he get his nickname?  (Some nicknames are 'casual' while others are obtained through some past events.)  What is his specialty?  There's a lot that you could write about with just the points I just mentioned though they aren't the only things you could develop.  

 

And the above remarks are meant to help you not only getting used to how we do things here in this literate RPG, but to help you get approved as soon as possible.  

 

EDIT: And yes, please credit the picture as Ryou mentioned.

 

1.okay i will make the personality longer but the reason he is "Cold and Evil" is because of the death of his parents and the suposed death of his girlfriend

 

2.I will change the eye color

 

3.Okay I will lengthen the history but it wil take maybe 30-60 minutes because i will have to look up a lot of things

[darkphoenix 0]

Errr, don't be hasty) Better safe than sorry, y'know. And info about your caharacter shouldn't be bold))

[liubei013 0]

darkphoenix raised a good point.  Take your time and work out your profile so as to improve your chances for approval.

 

@Personality: Fine, explain that in your Personality.  Don't assume that people will know that was 'implied.'

 

@Bold: Ah, missed that.  Yeah, your main text should not be in bold, only the headers.

e.g. Full Name: Vincent WarLancer

[kct 0]

Also, please kindly fix the formatting of the profile, refer to the format the admins have posted in the pinned threads.