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Hisana Tachibana Tsumoto

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Player

Player name: Picup

Character number: One

Faction: NOVA

 

General

 

Full name: Hisana Tachibana Tsumoto

Nickname: ‘Hana’ but is normally used by her Mother

Age: 17

Gender: Female

Race: Coordinator

Occupation: An assistant in programming and maintaining Hospital equipment (at the moment)

Birthplace: September City

Citizenship: The United Emirates of Orb

Personality: At first, many people view her as a smart, hard working student due to her high marks in Science, Mathematics and English (people think that she uses Social Studies as a time of break thus the reason why she barley passes it) but it’s some what not true.  She can be hard working and diligent at times but most of the time she is lazy and likes to sleep.  Even though she has a liking to sleep, she doesn’t go to sleep right away because she likes to spend her nights either working with programming and designing artificial intelligence or working out strategies. She can play the piano albeit not very well since she didn’t practice often because of her lazy attitude.   

 

She can be quite laid back with peers and overall, an easy person to get along with.  Despite her laid back personality, she can be quite stubborn and competitive in just about any thing (bike riding being an exception).  With her competitive personality – she can be quite cocky. 

 

She also lacks a sense of direction because she never paid much attention to geography. 

 

When she isn’t sleeping, doing any of her other activities, she is normally out on a bike ride – saying that it is very soothing, inspirational and clears her mind of her problems.  These bike rides can take a various amount of time due to her lack of direction.  So some times she’ll know where she is going and the next thing you know it, she’ll be lost.

 

Appearance

 

Height: 5’5”

Weight: 50 kgs (110 lbs)

Hair Colour and Style: Midnight black with autumn red highlights.  Her hair is layered and reaches passed her shoulders.  She prefers wearing it down and will only tie it back if it’s necessary.

Eye Colour: Dark brown

Identifying Marks: No piercing any where including the ears.  Claims that it gets in the way some how…

Skin Tone: Just a light tan, not extremely pale but also not extremely dark.

Build: An average build, slight muscle in the legs though.

Clothing: If the weather permits it, her everyday clothing is normally a pair of dark tan shorts and a dark navy blue indoor jacket with a white and turquoise stripe running down from her left side down to where the jacket ends.  She basically throws on any clothing that goes well with the weather but prefers indoor jackets, or just jackets in general.  She can wear just about any colour, the exceptional being pink and purple; colours she just has distaste too.

Handiness: Right-handed

 

Background

 

Mother: Hina Tsumoto (Coordinator)

Father: Lancelot Tsumoto (Coordinator) (Deceased)

Sibling(s): Wataru Tsumoto (Older Twin Brother) (Coordinator)

Husband/Wife/Girlfriend/Boyfriend: None

 

Personal History:

 

Along with her twin brother, Hisana Tachibana Tsumoto was born and raised in the technological specialty city, September City. 

 

Her father, Lancelot Tsumoto, was a simple technician in September City.  But he never liked to be cramped up in one space (due to being born in Junius City which centered more around agriculture) so he often played sports or some other recreational activity despite the fact that September City specialized in electronics.  He was also a fan of old war videos.  When his children were born, he was thrilled to teach both of them the complicity of some electronics and how to ride a bike. 

 

Hina Tsumoto at first is a simple house wife, but behind the scenes she ran her own business in monitoring and fixing artificial intelligence (AI) that factories or companies use.  She has family back down in Kusanagi, Orb and visited them often with her family.

 

At a young age, Hisana and her brother, Wataru were taken outside often by their father for long, nature walks and were granted knowledge about the technology that surrounded the twins.  After they got back from their walk, Lancelot would put on a war video and educate the twins on the morals of war and why it was necessary.  When they got a bit older (and bigger), Lancelot taught the twins how to ride a bike and how to play a few sports games. 

 

When Lancelot was either at work or on a business trip, the twins spent a lot of time at home, intrigued by some of the machines their mother used.  Hina always enjoyed her children and wanted them to do something not related to electronics or sports, so she offered to take them to piano lessons.  Wataru dropped out near the beginning but Hisana continued on.  Despite wanting the children to do something other than electronics, she taught both of them the basics of computer artificial intelligence – and this triggered a sudden interest from Hisana.

 

Later, business started to pick up for Hina and she had to spend less and less time with her children.  This didn’t stop her from yelling at Hisana to practice her piano though.   

 

As the twins finished middle school, their interests started to pull them apart.  Wataru was always more for the outdoors and recreational activity but had an unearthly liking for mobile suits, while Hisana dwelled more for programming or making AI and creating strategies for battle field combat (even though she couldn’t practice them except in games).  The only activities that kept the twins together were bike riding and video games.

 

In C.E. 83, the Tsumoto family took a shuttle to Orb for a regular family visit, but the family started to split apart from there.  Hina and Lancelot both felt that they weren’t in ‘love’ anymore and ‘unofficially’ broke up, Lancelot leaving for September City, while Hina stayed back in Orb.  The Children had the decision to either stay with their mother or their father.  In the end, Wataru went back up to September City with Lancelot, while Hisana stayed down in Orb to assist Hina with a new job that Hisana’s Uncle was able to provide.

 

From there on, Hisana finished the rest of her schooling in Orb, while working with Hina in her new job (which was programming and maintaining machines in hospitals).

 

In C.E. 84, just as Hisana was finishing up school, Wataru sent an urgent message, with news of their father’s death.  He died on the way back home from a business meeting that was located in October City in a car crash.  Hisana for the first time actually broke down, even though she wasn’t living with her father, it was still painful in losing a family member.

 

Hina and Hisana took a shuttle back up to Junius City, where Lancelot’s funeral was to take place because they thought it would be best if he was to be buried in his home town.  After the services and his burial, Hina offered her son a place down in Orb but he kindly rejected, saying he would study to take Lancelot’s place and stay up in September City.  This was the last time Hisana and Wataru saw each other.

 

Hina and Hisana continued to live in Orb as Hisana recovered steadily over her father’s death.  She finished her schooling and worked alongside her mother.  Later on, Hina told Hisana that she should do much more with her life and suggested that she join the military as a programmer or maybe a strategist.  Hisana pondered on this idea, as thrilling as it sounded, there was bound to be a lot of work…

 

Although, when push comes to shove, Hina would be both.  Knowing that her daughter would take a while to finalize her decision, she got her all the important paper work that needed to be done, and offered to drop them off for her.  Hisana wasn’t completely ready for this, but reluctantly started to fill out the paper work.  Even though, she didn’t start until she played a good game of Super Smash Bros.

 

(Note: Picup does not own Super Smash Bros.  It belongs to Nintendo)

Edited by Guest

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@fire: No, not quite.  Citizenship indicates the current residency.  (e.g. my own profile where Demetrius was born in one of the PLANTS but holds an Orb citizenship) In her case, she may have dual residency, due to having traveled back and forth.

 

@topic: Okay, not a bad start, Picup.

 

 

I noticed that you had some odd spelling errors here and there throughout your profile.  There aren't too many but I'd just wanted to point them out.  (e.g. 'piers' --> 'peers')  I think if you go through your profile more carefully, you should be able to catch most of them.

 

Also, September City's specialty is primarily Information Science.  Your history seems to describe it a bit differently.  You sometimes overuse commas here and there, but not too much that it would cause significant detriment.

 

It is up to you to decide which Nation/Faction you'd wish to join.

 

Otherwise, I do not see anything lacking in this profile. 

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^Liubei pretty much summed out what I was going to say about Citizenship xD

 

Any ways, thanks for the comment :3~ And the thing about electronics and such about September City I actually got from what was posted on the 'September City' board, but I can still change it.. I think. o-o

 

I'll check on the whole thing soon enough, since I'm kinda busy for these next few days >>;

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(Okay, I'm sorry for the double post @____@; )

 

Any ways, Hisana is in the final stage on where I can be approved or uh, criticized and where I need to improve to where I can be.

 

I did notice that I used a lot of commas. @__@; Silly Picup.

 

As you can see, I did in the end go for Orb >_>; (YAY! ORB! -shot'd-)

 

Or.. I think I did.  I wanted to use the Faction guide but it uh... yeah, died on me ;

 

So basically my questions, are:  Am I doing the citizenship and Faction right?  I don't think I am, so I just wanted to get that out of the way and all.

 

I'm probably going to take out the Super Smash Bros. part, it doesn't make sense to me o_o;

 

Well uh, do your worst to it now? o_o;

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Faction is listed as NOVA, and for the citizenship I think it should be either Orb Union or the United Emirates of Orb.

 

As liubei pointed out, there are grammatical errors here and there (capitalization, especially), and paragraphing (it's a little messy here and there). Try running this through a word processor (Word etc.) so you can find out what is wrong with it.

Edited by Guest

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Thanks for the help kct~ :3

 

I found some of the errors and tried to fix the paragraphing - but I don't think I did a very good job on my part >_>;

 

Err, I ran it through my Word, but it just kept jumping me about spelling mistakes D:

 

(Is it just me, or is my Word like... uh, cursed?)

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Word isn't completely reliable, but it does help to an extent.  For paragraphs, see the approved profiles in the Character Library for examples.  (or just click below my sig to see my own profiles)  Paragraphs are a collection of sentences that tie with each other in a specific subject. 

 

So try and merge some of those disparate sentences or tweak them so it flows together.

 

No problems in the overall content though.

 

EDIT: Aside from some paragraph issues, I do not see any other particular issues.  So...

 

 

[align=center]orbemblem2j.jpg

 

Orb Union Bureau of Citizenry

Kusanagi City, United Emirates of Orb[/align]

 

This is to certify that Ms. Hisana Tachibana Tsumoto is a native citizen of the United Emirates of Orb, which is a member of the Non-Offensive Vanguard Alliance (NOVA), and is to be accorded with the same rights as all other loyal citizens of the Orb Union.

 

Signed and Noted by:

First Lieutenant Demetrius Amherst

FREE Forces

Edited by Guest

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