Aures Convicio 0 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 (edited) Player Player name: Aures Convicio Character number: 1 Faction: NOVA (Kingdom of Scandinavia) General Full name: Sir Alex Victorioso Nickname: Victory, Vic, Knight Age: 27 Gender: Male Race: Natural Occupation: Pilot/Politician/Knight Birthplace: Oslo, Norway, Kingdom of Scandinavia (NOVA) Citizenship: Kingdom of Scandinavia (NOVA) Personality: Sir Alex has a personality that is commanding and educated. He is a very analytical person that likes to dissect the situation and has the ability to turn set backs into positive. As such his abilities are better for strategy rather than combat. Because of his background, Alex tends to be a bit judgmental towards other people, when they react on emotions rather than reason. As a consequence people might believe than Sir Alex is Arrogant. A trait that he likes to hear, Alex believes that his presence should give confidence to the people around him. However, those closest to him might get to know about his personal struggles. Sir Alex also has a problem accepting people that he considers below him, social structure and class has some meaning for him. Appearance [align=center][/align] [align=center][shadow=red,left]Alex Victorioso Formal Portrait[/shadow][/align] Height: 5 '10 Weight: 150 pounds Hair Color and Style: Black European Straight, usually he wear some expensive gel, Clean Cut Eye Color: Blue Identifying Marks: Family Signet Ring, Royal Family Symbol burn on his right shoulder (scar) Skin Tone: Slightly Tan Build: Athletic – Skinny Clothing: Jump Suit: standard space suit with slight modification listed below: Custom Color Dark Blue – Black Family Insignia Patch on the right shoulder Knighthood Patch in the upper right chest Casual: Fine White Long Sleeve Shirt, Fine Black Dress Pants Fine dress boots usually to knee high, Black Gold Family Insignia ring on right hand ring finger Uniform Standard White Uniform Knighthood Medal on the chest Gold Family Insignia ring on right hand ring finger Dress Clothes: Fine White Shirt Black Suit Blue Tie Gold Family Insignia ring on right hand ring finger Handiness: Right-handed Background Mother: Elizabeth Victorioso (deceased) Father: Sir Richard Victorioso (deceased) Siblings: Duke Scott Victorioso (Coordinator – Current Ruler of the Family inheritance) Age 20, PLANT PILOT Wife/Girlfriend: none Personal History: The Victorioso Family is one of the most prominent Families in the Kingdom of Scandinavia. Originally the Victorioso Family is based in the former country of Norway which is one of the main pillars in the Kingdom of Scandinavia. The Victorioso named originated from a noble Roman family that helped spread Christianity in Norway during their period of Christianization. The Victorioso Family obtained the order of the Knighthood on 1397, when the Kalmar Union was created and the first chapter of the Kingdom of Scandinavia was created. The Victorioso Family was one of the first protectors of the Kingdom of Scandinavia. When the Kalmar Union was dissolved, the Victorioso Family returned to their homeland in Norway. However, when the Kingdom of Scandinavia was reinstated, the King of Scandinavia asked the Victorioso family to return in their former position to be one of the protectors of the new Kingdom of Scandinavia. As one of the protectors of the Kingdom the Victorioso family was granted a castle and a small town named Victorioso. On C.E. 58 Alex Victorioso was born. Sir Richard Victorioso was very proud of Alex. However the tensions between the Coordinators and Humans started to erupt during this time. In an effort to control the situation Sir Richard created a plan to make his second son a coordinator. The plan was to prove to the world that Coordinators and Naturals can live together in peace thus upholding the ideals of the King of Scandinavia. On C.E. 60 Alex brother, Scott was born. The plan to demonstrate to the world that coordinators and human could live together was set in motion. Even since Scott was born, Alex had a special link with Scott. They both can sense each other and sometimes each other emotions. The kids inquired several times, the reason for their link but the father has always kept quiet about the situation. Scott and Alex were both given the best education possible. They went to the top schools in Orb, to study Science, Military and Politics. Because of their education Alex feels sympathetic towards Orb, however his brother Scott feels more sympathetic towards PLANT. During their educations Alex was given mediocre marks on piloting and combat. However, he was given high marks for a natural in politics and strategy. On C.E. 74 because the Kingdom of Scandinavia declared their neutrality towards the conflict between EA and PLANT there was a lot of pressure to join the PLANT. With the invocation of the Destiny Plan the Victorioso Family took it upon themselves to denounce the plan. The Victorioso family was under political pressure to change their mind, but Richard held the House of Lords together in support of the Kings decision. Sir Richard political success in supporting the monarchy was short lived. On early that year a group of assassins came in to the Victorioso castle to eliminate one of the most powerful supporters of the monarchy. Sir Richard entrusted his most loyal servant his children. Seeing his end near he entrusted his family ring to be given to his oldest son when he is ready to accept his destiny. The death of Sir Richard was a political blow the King of Scandinavia; however, the King managed to control the House of Lords long enough to avoid submitting to the Destiny plan. Because of their political value Alex and Scott were split up. Reports were sent to the country indicated that the whole family was killed including Scott and Alex. Under the discuise of their deaths Scott went to the PLANT where he wanted to go. Alex went to a church in Orb under the name John Locke. During the church a priest took care of Alex hiding his identity from the rest of the world. While hiding in the Church in Orb, Alex learned about the different religions in the world and his duties as a Knight. The Priest educated Alex about Morality and his advisors educated him about world of politics. On C.E. 84 trough legal maneuvering Scott managed to gain legal ownership of the lands and the title. Scott obtained the real estate from the castle and most of the family funds. In which they were used to promote the PLANT's. In an effort to maintain their neutrality Scott diverted the funds by using local charities. One the news traveled over the world that one of the sons of Victorioso was alive, it was evident that it was only a matter of time that Alex identity was discovered. Seeing that Alex lost of all his legal rights to the land, he took comfort on the fact that the two important family heirloom remained in his possession. The first heirloom was the insignia ring that is worn by the person who is the current leader of the house and one of the true Knights of Scandinavia. The second heirloom was a two handed sword that was told to hold a secret. All documentation about the secret of the sword was destroyed in the fire. A few months after his brother took power of all the lands, there have been several attempts on Alex life. It became apparent that the secret of his identity has been leaked out to those that would cause harm to him. Not only there was an attempt to kill Alex there were also attempt to steal the two heirlooms. On C.E. 85 Alex went public claiming that he was Alex Victorioso and he would not rest until he reclaims his lands and uphold the Kingdom of Scandinavia ideals. Edited July 27, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonDaimyo 3 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 An honest-to-goodness knight. That's not something you see much in a Gundam RP. One minor nitpick, the faction that Orb is a part of is NOVA, so he should be listed as such in the Player Information. The only real problem I see is some minor grammatical and spelling errors such as a comma missing where there should be one ("Because of their military bravery, the family") or not using the plural form of a noun ("One of the loyalists handed Alex the family ring..."). Other than that and what I mentioned above, I don't see a lot of problems with this. Looks like an interesting character. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 There isn't a country called Spain in the Cosmic Era. It has become a part of the Eurasian Federation. You would need to change the birthplace and citizenship accordingly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aures Convicio 0 Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 (edited) Done and Done The reason why I place spain is because in CE Gibartar which is now belong to Great Britain was part of PLANT, and I have not seen a map of the word in which explains which contries belong to where it belonged so I abstained and made the region look as neutral as possible. Is there a procedure to get Special Spacial Awareness like Mu and Rau, I did not add this because I wanted to know, since my char is not a great pilot but he thinks a lot this would balance his piloting. Or he can think five moves ahead. Edited July 16, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liubei013 0 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Here's a map: http://www.gundamofficial.com/worlds/ce/background/maps.html @DD & Valiant: I'm surprised you guys missed this particular point that I'm about to mention. @profile: I noticed that your profile is in the incorrect format. Please see the sticky for the Character Creation Template. (e.g. Personality should be right after Character Information, Appearance is a category header, it is not meant to be filled out. That's what Build, Skin, Clothing, etc. are for.) For citizenship, you'd still need to state the nation in which you're applying to. Don't forget to add units to weight. History looks good though you still have a few of those overused commas here and there. It's not that big a deal though. @Spatial Awareness: No, there is no procedure. It wouldn't matter anyway for several reasons: 1) Weapon systems that were originally exclusive to people with such abilities have been improved by C.E. 73 so that 'regular' pilots can use them. 2) Spatial Awareness is more of an instinctual ability, rather than one that is linked to a busy mind. 3) It may give someone an unfair advantage. We already prohibit anyone from having SEED mode as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aures Convicio 0 Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 Done all the changes. The map that you handed was C.E.72, and Gribarltar was a part of ZAFT in GSD. However, the map that you gave me is the final word on geographic locations. I fixed the format and used the default format, I liked mine better but I have no problems switching, Since there is a ban on Special Spacial Awareness Weapons, I am going to place them there because I don't want to use that ability on combat is more for character development. I only want it so I can "sense" certain people. So is going to be very limited, to be used agains NPC and is only very weak weapon wise. Since macking him powerful like Kira or Mu would destroy the character itself. I was want an ok, that I can have that limited special spacial awareness. To be used only for character development and not for combat. If I get an ok for it then I will add it under race, since having it or not having it would not change the story. Any more comments or suggestion to improve the story or the char would be apreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liubei013 0 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Appearance Athletic, well dressed, expensive clothing, clean cut, well shaved I somewhat mentioned this before, but erase everything to the right of 'Appearance'. You should put all those descriptions within the specified category, if you haven't done so already. @Spatial Awareness: I think you'll need to wait for Valiant to get the final word on that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kct 0 Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 Rather fine with me, but the grammar can be improved (especially with the use of ` (forgot the word for it) symbol for names). Other than that, it would be interesting to see if any of the royals within Orb stumbled into this person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aures Convicio 0 Posted July 17, 2007 Author Share Posted July 17, 2007 (edited) done that apperance section. I don't know how I missed that. Maybe I will look later today for gramar however english is a secound language so you guys have to bear with me with some appostrophes ' and some s, if you point them out I would be more than happy to change those. Just saying overall gramar dosen't help me as much because I proably can't pin point it. Also I added some commas to make it easier I would like to humbly retract my idea for Special Spacial Awareness, Valiant explained the procedure is actually random assigment. So I will abide by the rules Edited July 19, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aures Convicio 0 Posted July 19, 2007 Author Share Posted July 19, 2007 Before this characters get approved, I need some more time to change details in the character. I have talked to Valiant who gave me some good ideas and some limitations and I would like to incorporate them. After this I would like some more input on ideas or background stories that might be better. I apreciate people ideas, because a lot of the character is a work at progress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aures Convicio 0 Posted July 25, 2007 Author Share Posted July 25, 2007 (edited) BUMB. I would like to request people to review the character from start. I have made a lot of changes. Last Changes Done Today July 26th....This is the final product waiting for either approval or changes Edited July 26, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonDaimyo 3 Posted July 27, 2007 Share Posted July 27, 2007 First point that I notice: You only need one space between sentences, not two. It's probably not a big deal, it just kinda bugs me a little. Don't know why. @Special Link: Would this be analogous to the link enjoyed by Mu La Flaga and Rau Le Crueset, or is it something completely different? Might need Valiant's okay on that point. There's a lot of minor spelling and grammatical errors similar to the ones that I pointed out in the first profile you posted. May I recommend running this profile through Microsoft Word or some other comparable program? I think that would flush a fair number of those out. Scott obtained the real estate from the castle and most of the family funds. In which they were used to promote the PLANT's. This should be one sentence, with the words "in" and "they" taken out. That's most of what I can see at any rate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kct 0 Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 While I would not want to go on picking out grammatical errors (someone else would do the job better than me), please credit the image you are using in the profile (like writing down whose work is that etc.). Siblings: Duke Scott Victorioso (Coordinator – Current Ruler of the Family inheritance) Age 20, PLANT PILOT Another thing, clear up this bit, because the definition of 'pilot' in the Cosmic Era-verse is, to say it in a way, diverse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liubei013 0 Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 (edited) @DD: Most standards of writing I've encountered typically use one space after commas and two spaces between sentences/periods. But it doesn't really matter that much. @topic: I'll take a thorough look later tomorrow/today. EDIT: I do not see any particular issues in the content (except that Valiant would still need to approve whether or not the 'Special Link' is allowed) but the main issue would be the numerous grammatical issues still rampant in this profile. Edited July 28, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 If it is mild spatial awareness, you need not change the race. However, please do put a disclaimer about the use of the ability so that others would not be confused by it. Newtypes are still going to be randomised. I'm working on a way to make the randomisation automated. Approved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evo_Sieg 0 Posted July 31, 2007 Share Posted July 31, 2007 Hmm, if my memory serves me right you would be the first Scandinavian in the RP, hehe.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valiant 96 Posted July 31, 2007 Share Posted July 31, 2007 I thought Falko was the first Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.